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我以为我做得很好. 我们谈论. 她知道我爱她, 因为我告诉她,. 现在,她说,她希望有更多的亲切感.

亲密感接近或团结与另一个人,可以花一些时间和工作的关系建立在共享. 对于男人谁经历过儿童性虐待或性侵犯, 像许多男人, 成为舒适与亲密可能是一个挑战. 下面是一些关于亲密关系, 经历了性侵害一名男子谁可以面对一些困难的细节, 以及如何进一步发展亲密关系的建议.

什么是亲密关系?

亲密关系是一个两个人之间的密切个人关系,通常随着时间的推移发展. 通常, 孩子学习和发展亲密关系,通过与父母及其关系密切的家庭成员互动. 随着年龄的增长机会出现家庭以外的发展更亲密的关系, 结识朋友, 建立承诺和信任, 通过工作建立连接, 玩, 性接触, 育儿, 等. 迈向建立亲密关系因此可能永远不会结束,将是每个人的经验,在成长和学习亲密不同:

男性, 性虐待和性亲密

关于男人的文化信仰, 什么一个人刻板印象应该做的,, 影响男人如何理解,涉及到亲密. 当传统的男人养家糊口的作用, 外出工作,以提供食物和住所, 占主导地位, 有一点期望,男人应该了解或把精力投入到发展更亲密的关系. 现在, 但, 合作伙伴, 男人和他们的子女正在寻找一个更大的亲密度.

你知道什么亲密?
你收到了什么样的培训亲密,而你成长?
你或你的伴侣寻求邀请进你的生活的亲密关系?

男性发展亲密关系方面面临的一个困难是,有期望, 作为男人, 他们应该站在他们自己的两只脚,坚决自力更生. 这种期望可以使男人不愿承认个人奋斗或漏洞, 尚未披露的忧虑和困难可能会导致更大的亲切感. 进一步的困难,创造了男性的混合性和亲密的文化习惯, 亲密看到和使用工具为你做的东西,为了获得性. 虽然性往往是亲密关系的重要组成部分,可以增进感情的亲密, 性和亲密是不是同一个. 没有性别和性别没有亲密关系可以有亲密关系.

对于谁经历过性暴力的男人, 周围亲密的混乱和不确定性是可以理解的, 如果你认为一些人是如何犯下性虐待的人越来越投入大量的时间和精力,要知道一个孩子, 建立信任和亲密感,以实施性虐待. 犯下性虐待的人甚至会告诉自己,他们爱孩子,这是一个相互的关系. 当性虐待涉及这样一个深刻的背叛信任, 这并不奇怪,在未来关系的亲密,能唤起不适和难以管理. 可导致儿童性虐待的经验:

  • 不愿去相信别人,或让任何人接近
  • 感知任何表达关心或关注的一个标志性的利息或前体性活动.
  • 有关共享个人信息的戒心, 顺便说一下,由于它已经被操纵,在过去使用的
  • 不适感,轻轻触摸或触摸,恕不另行具体协议.
  • 任何性亲密的困难, 由于这样的事实,它可以触发闪回.

这些困难, 虽然并非不可克服, 可能需要一些时间和耐心去理清. 什么可以使相关的问题额外的亲密棘手的是,有时,为了获得援助,一个人可能会感到有压力,谈论性虐待的历史 (以前的东西,他可能没有告诉任何人有关).

越来越清楚和发展亲密关系

在寻求发展更贴心的关怀关系, 它可以从其他形式的亲密关系,明确区分性亲密. 下面列出了一些机会,增进亲密关系:

  • 情感亲密 – you are able to share a wide range of both positive and negative feelings without fear of judgement or rejection
  • 身体上的亲密接触 – The delight in being sensual, 调皮, 和敏感的性亲昵,是快乐和充实双方的合作伙伴.
  • 知识产权亲密 – Sharing ideas or talking about issues or even hotly debating opinions and still respect each other’s beliefs and views
  • 精神的亲密关系 – discussing how spirituality works in our lives, 在这样一种方式,我们尊重每个人,特别是精神需求和信仰
  • 冲突的亲密关系 – the ability to work through our differences in a fair way, 并达成广泛,双方都满意的解决方案,, 认识到完善的解决方案是不是人类生活的一部分.
  • 工作亲密 – You are able to agree on ways to share the common loads of tasks in maintaining your home, 收入, 其他双方商定的目标和追求.
  • 亲密育儿 – If you have children, 你已经开发共享的方式,相互支持,同时使我们的孩子成长,成为独立的个体.
  • 危机亲密 – You are able to stand together in times of crisis, 我们之间的关系,并提供支持和理解外部和内部.
  • 审美亲密 – Being delighted in beauty, 音乐艺术, 性质和审美经验的整个范围,我们每个人都准备支持对方的享受不同的审美乐趣.
  • 玩亲密 – Having fun together, 透过康乐, 放松或幽默.[1]

上述名单的意图是帮助突出亲密关系的多种可能性和机会.

在寻求亲密的一部分,你的生活和关系, 重要的是要认识到亲密关系. 是不是你可以做你自己的亲密, 在一个关系亲密的程度是依赖于有一个共同的承诺和利息. 谈判和建立亲密关系, 因此, 依赖于一个明确自己的知识和合作伙伴的偏好,并愿意把时间和精力投入的关系. 您可能会考虑:

  • 你想要什么样的关系?
  • 是什么让你更接近人, 是什么推动你走?
  • 你知道你的朋友或合作伙伴的好恶, 建立连接在与他们的关系?
  • 如何密切的关系你/他们想要的?
  • 你是什​​么时间和精力,愿意把发展亲密关系,在这种关系中?
  • 你怎么可能让他们知道你的兴趣在多个层面上建立更加亲密?

在冒充这些问题,, it is recognized that there is no prescribed right way of ‘being intimate’ in a relationship. 没有两个的关系是一样的. 虽然之前已经可能会提供一个指南,一个人的喜好或领域,他可能会想工作, 历史并不决定未来.

成为舒适与亲切感是不会轻易在自己的工作. 关系可以提供学习的机会, 双方的愈合和变化. 作为男人下面的伙伴,谁经历过性虐待的亮点:

He’s good at being independent and he knows how to take care of himself. Even though he’s not that good at intimacy, 我想. 据悉,我更ndependent,他掉对方更贴心.

I used to complain saying ‘you haven’t said you love me in ages,’ once I realised that this wasn’t getting what I wanted from him, 我开始告诉他我需要感到被爱有时,我向他解释是什么使我感到被爱.

如前所述, 建立和保持亲密关系,很可能是一个终身项目. 是不是你做的只是一次. 还, 它是有用的认识,建立亲密关系的变化, 随着时间的推移改变人们的喜好和选择.

建立和保持亲密的实用技巧

在书中提供的一些实用技巧,以帮助男性了解和加强关系的亲密和爱的 Five Love Languages Men’s Edition: 永恒的爱的秘密[2]. 这本书鼓励男人谈论与他们的合作伙伴,并了解,并出席双方, 自己和他们的合作伙伴的首选方式发展亲近和表达关怀. 在这样做时,它揭开爱情和亲密关系的神秘面纱, 在一个实际有用的方式呈现信息.

如果有人问你, could you identify your preferred ‘love language’ and that of your partner from the following list?

  • 肯定的话, – 鸣谢, 升值的话, 具体的事情,你的伴侣做正面反馈.
  • 质量时间 – 相伴 – 给予一心一意, 以上只是身体接近. 质量谈话 – 谈论你的一天, 保持最新对方的, 表达你的感受, 听小心.
  • 接受礼品 – 把时间和心思创建/买礼物. The gift of your ‘self’ – simply being there at crucial times
  • 服务行为 – 您的合作伙伴,如为民办实事任务. 做家务. 特别是做这些没有被要求
  • 肢体接触 – 爱触摸婴儿和儿童的情绪健康发展的关键. 亲情同样重要的是为成人, 除了性接触

Possession of knowledge of your own and your partner’s preferred ways of relating is important. 正如重要的是让人们知道这些喜好和行动的方式,并在时候,它会建立亲密关系.

是, 不, Maybe So: A sexual inventory stocklist

A great tool for developing safe intimacy in a sexual relationship can be found at this sex ed website.

上述信息是不打算作为一个全面的指南,男人和亲密的经验后,性虐待或性侵犯, 更多邀请,以探讨发展亲密关怀支持的关系的可能性. 性虐待或性侵犯的一个经验,可能意味着在某些领域需要额外的耐心或有需要说话的人,以获得额外援助, 但是,它不定义的可能性亲密关系.

参考文献
  1. 奥格斯堡, ð. (1988) 持续的爱, 富豪出版.
  2. 查普曼, ĝ. (2004) Five Love Languages Men’s Edition: 永恒的爱的秘密, 诺斯菲尔德出版社.

 

8 评论

  1. Comment by sean

    回复 六月 20, 2014 3:04 下午

    这是非常有益的,因为我努力学习意味着什么亲近我们的关系. 感谢堆

  2. Comment by D.D.

    D.D. 回复 六月 20, 2014 4:21 下午

    感谢你为它是非常的帮助和有趣,并提供支持,给我一些其他人,再次感谢你帮我发展亲密关系的信息。.
    D.D.
    九月 10,2013

  3. Comment by Tim

    Tim 回复 十月 15, 2015 4:43 下午

    Great information, especially the books as guides. I have always felt devoid of giving or knowing how to actually care for the ladies I have dated. My main goal was sex, after sex I felt empty. Growing up my mother wasn’t there very much emotionally and my step dad was an alcoholic. I want closeness with women but never knew how. 谢谢.

  4. Comment by Ingred

    Ingred 回复 六月 9, 2016 8:46 下午

    Sex is important in a relationship. I met a wonderful man about a year ago who takes care of my every need except sex. We do everything together, like cooking, watching movies, going for walks. we both love nature and we even sleep togetherbut no sex. I find it weird.

    • Comment by kelsey

      kelsey 回复 五月 10, 2017 6:17 上

      How do you deal with that? I am dealing with the exact same thing. Except, he doesn’t touch me, he doesn’t french kiss me, he doesn’t want to do anything sexual. Does this bug you? Have you found ways to help ease him into it?

    • Comment by kelsey

      kelsey 回复 五月 10, 2017 6:19 上

      还, we were having sex, but then it stopped when he becameattachedto me, because the person who raped him was a girlfriend he was attached to (that is what he said). This all started happening after his sister got raped this last thanksgiving. I am just hoping that he is just working through it and that this was a trigger for him. I really hope that this means that he will never want to do anything sexual again because we areattached”.

  5. Comment by Carla

    Carla 回复 十一月 19, 2017 6:00 下午

    I’ve been dating a guy for 6 1/2 岁月. When we first met things were great. It took him a long time to say I love you, we dated 6 months before he said it, then soon after he started pulling away. On the ninth month he told me he loved me but he wasn’t in love with me. We broke up. A gut feeling told me something had happened so I sent him a long email asking him was there something deeply deeply rooted in his past? and if so would he consider going to counselling? he said yes.

    After 8 months he came back, in July 2013, telling me he knew he wanted a relationship with me. He said he never wanted to lose me, but we would have to take baby steps.

    We live two and a half hours apart so even before we only saw each other every other weekend. This time around we started out just once a month for the first few months, and then we built back into every other weekend. It took him until January 2015 to tell me he loved me againthen slowly I felt him pulling away again. Now here we are, 十一月 2017. He broke up with me again at the end of October, saying he loved me but he didn’t feel like he was in love with me anymore.

    I’ve sent him articles on how when men who have been sexually abused tend to pull away from someone when they getting really close. He says he was upset with himself because he doesn’t know why he feels the way he does. That he knows he will regret losing me.

    He was sexually abused by his uncle and physically abused by his dad. His mom left when he was about 9 and he didn’t see her anymore until he went to see her when he was 16. He has been married twice, that’s why I cheated on him. He had never shared this with anyone until he shared it with me and the counsellor he spoke to in 2012.

    So all these things tell me that he does love me and he’s very close with me but I don’t know what else to do. He has started counselling again 2 weeks ago, I just pray he gets to the right kind of counsellor this time. The counsellor in 2012 never suggested couples counselling. I told him in order to go forward at some point I thought we needed to go to counselling together. I encouraged him to continue going to counselling when we got back together in 2013, but of course he didn’t listen. Any suggestions and help would be greatly appreciate it. 谢谢

    • 由杰西评论 [生活好员工]

      桎梏 [生活好员工] 回复 一月 3, 2018 4:00 下午

      Hi Carla,

      Thanks for sharing your experience here. That takes some bravery.

      I think in this situation you have done really well to encourage your partner to obtain support, and to also suggest couples counselling. It sounds like you have been there for him and have made it clear you’re willing to support him and work through the difficulties. You’ve mentioned youdon’t know what else to do,” however it sounds like what you have done already are the best things you can do. Moving forward, the rest is really up to him. It is not your responsibility to fix him. There comes a stage where all you can really do is step back and hope he becomes ready to take a few steps forward himself. I know this can be hard to do and takes a lot of patience. Unfortunately a history of childhood trauma does take time to process and move through, and often giving it time is the only thing we can do.

      Please know that you are not alone in your struggles with this situation. We know that it can be very difficult for partners of men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse. Knowing how to respond, and how to best provide support and care, without pressure or judgment, can be a delicate balance.

      With this in mind we’ve created a 对于合作伙伴 section on this website. I think for you the articles on common relationship challengesfrequently asked questions from partners of men. I hope you find it helpful.

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