출구

There are similarities and differences in the way women and men experience and live in the world. 이러한 유사점과 차이점, 일부 물리적, 일부 문화, 사람들이 성적 피해를 경험하는 방법을 영향, 영향은 무엇인지 그리고 남성과 여성의 응답과의 관계에서 상호 작용하는 방법. 여성 파트너가 남성과의 관계에서 식별 한 투쟁과 갈등의 몇 가지 포인트를 이름에서 성적 학대를받은 사람들, we acknowledge that male partners of men who have been sexually abused can experience similar challenges. We understand that every man, every woman and every relationship is unique. We have chosen to briefly discuss here some of the struggles women have articulated, including dealing with intimate partner violence, as it exists in relationships where partners have been sexually abused in childhood, just as it exists in relationships where partners have not been sexually abused.

My partner was sexually abused

What does this mean and where to from here?

The Information for Partners (Disclosure) page details the mixture of reactions many women can experience on hearing that their partner has been sexually abused and the Info for Partners (Relationships Challenges) discusses some of the particular difficulties partners are confronted by. It is usually some time after the initial disclosure that partners start to consider:

  • What does this mean for me and for our relationship?
  • What should I do?
  • What should I expect?
  • What should I accept or not accept from him and our relationship?

Learning that your partner has experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault might seem to explain difficulties in your relationship, or some of your partner's behaviour that you have never quite understood. Whilst being confronted by the impact of sexual abuse can be a catalyst for change, there is no precise road map in relation to where to from here.

What women have noticed

Listed below are some of the patterns and difficult decisions women partners have identified in seeking to help their partner and develop mutually supportive relationships.

Women can be much more proactive about seeking information and professional support than men. You may want to act quickly, while your partner might have a totally different time frame or way of doing things, especially after years of isolation or avoidance of talking about 'it'. His apparent reluctance to access service can be a source of frustration. It is useful to remind yourself that many men find it easier to start to approach past trauma and personal difficulties alone (not forgetting men are brought up to be self reliant problem solvers). 그러나, much you want things to improve, a 'quick fix' is unlikely. Looking up information on the web or calling to speak to a sexual assault hotline or counselling service for basic information and referral advice, can be helpful and reassuring. It can help to have relevant information and referrals options at hand, for when he is ready. Sometimes there is a short window period when men will be looking to access support.

Different from many women, some men only speak up about abuse or assault when things are falling apart in their lives, when they realise that they are losing the people, work or activities that they value and care about most. At times like these, it is useful for female partners to take time to consider carefully how best to respond. In doing so, 그것은 자신의 복지를 우선 순위와의 시력을 유지하는 것이 중요하다 당신은 삶과의 관계에서 찾고있는. 파트너로서, 여자가 남자를 물건을 작업에 대한 책임을지고없이 관심과 우려를 표시 할 수 있습니다 (you do not need to 'rescue' 그를).

지식 성적으로 학대 한 파트너가 거기에 스틱과 함께 관계를 개선하는 일을 여성들을 격려 할 수 있음. 그러나, 일부 관계, 어려움이나 차이가 때때로 분리하고 휴식을 취할 잘 할 수 있도록 높은 너무 큰 긴장이 될 수 있습니다, 경우에만 잠시 동안.

성적 학대는 매우 압도적 인 수 있습니다 발생할 수있는 통증과 고통을 목격. 추구에서 파트너와 함께 일하기, 그것은 당신이 제대로 지원되는지 확인하고, 남성과 여성이 본의 투쟁 모든 문제가 성적 학대 관련이있을 것이라는 점을 인식하는 것이 중요하다. 사실로, 물건을 제압 추구에, 그것은 변경하고 지금은 다른 일을하고 미래에 할 수있는 옵션을 인식하는 데 유용합니다.

관계는 파트너들이 기대하는 것을 명확히 어디에 최고의 작품, 사람들이 자신에 대한 책임을 복용하고 어디에 문제가 안전 존경 방식으로 일을 얻고있다. 높은 갈등과 고통의 시간에 전문가의 도움을 얻는 것이 좋습니다.

상당한 충돌이있는 경우, 제어 동작, 학대 나 폭력

충돌, 의견 차이 어려운 인수는 거의 모든 관계의 일부. 이 가열 인수를 강한 감정을 표현하고 가진 포함 할 수 있습니다. 신뢰의 견고한 토대 구축 관계, 평등, 상호 존중과 안전, 이 두 당사자가 들어 느낌 잎 방식으로 통해 작업 할 수 있습니다, 존중과 검증. It may involve compromises on each person's part, but there is a general sense that things are worked through safely and fairly.
그러나, 한 파트너는 항상 자신의 길을 얻기 위해 추진된다, or can't tolerate compromise, 또는 폭력이나 정서적 조작의 위협을 사용하여, 이 파워와 컨트롤의 건강에 해로운 패턴을 표시 할 수 있습니다.

배우자 학대의 문제를 이름에, 우리는 성적으로 학대 한 사람은 일반적으로 사람들이 학대 방식으로 행동하는 것보다 남성들도 관계에서 학대를 경험하지 않는 것이 더 가능성이 있음을 시사하지 않습니다. 그러나, 일반 인구에서 여성의 상당수는 자신의 남성 파트너의 경험 남용을 주어진 것으로, 불행한 현실이 문제는 사람이 아동 성적 학대의 경험을 다루고 어떤 관계에 있는지입니다. 그것은 파트너 및 남성에 특히 어려울 수 있습니다 경우, is when current abusive behaviour becomes understood as a consequence of the man's history. 결과적으로, partners can feel pressure to continue to 'be there' 그를 위해, 또는 그를 배신 또는 아래로 그를셔서 걱정.

동안 어려움의 증가 이해 – for example in the way a partner communicates or reacts to certain situations – can be helpful, this does not mean that anyone should put up with behaviour that they find unacceptable or distressing.

For women and men who are in a relationship with a man who has experienced sexual abuse, we want to be clear that there is no obligation to tolerate abusive, demeaning or controlling behaviour in the name of 'supporting' 그를. You are entitled to look after your own safety and well-being. Your safety (and that of your children, if you have children) comes first. Sometimes, the trigger for men stopping and addressing controlling or abusive patterns of behaviour and building healthy relationships, is when a partner of friend indicates that current behaviour is unacceptable or that they do not feel safe.

성적 친밀감 편안 인

에서 설명하고있는 바와 같이 파트너: 성적 친밀 페이지, 성적 관계는 성적 학대와 그 파트너를 경험 한 남성에 대한 몇 가지 특정 문제를 생성 할 수 있습니다. 그러나, 협상과 상호 즐거운 현상 간의 차이가, exciting sexual relationship and feeling pressure to engage in sexual activities that involves doing things that you aren't comfortable with. There may be some aspects of a sexual relationship that you find uncomfortable or unacceptable, such as your partner's use of sexual aids, dressing up or role playing, his requests for some activities or positions or perhaps he has sexual contacts outside your relationship that concern you. Being clear about your expectation, interests and desires and letting him know how you feel is important for building a healthy sexual relationship.

Pornography use can be a particularly difficult issue. While the use of pornography seems to have become more widespread and in some ways accepted, a lot of commercial heterosexual ('straight') and gay-oriented pornography can depict very degrading and objectifying acts, for women and men. Knowing that your partner is watching such material, or asking you to watch it with him or to replicate the sexual activities is not something that you should be expected to tolerate if it does not fit with the kind of relationship you want.

주의: If there is constant conflict, isolating or controlling behaviour, verbal abuse or violence it is important to obtain support. Respectful, mutually supportive relationships are built on the foundation of safety and trust.

In naming the problem of intimate partner violence, we are aware that many men who have been sexually abused are at the forefront of work to make our communities free from abuse and violence, 또한, that some men who have been sexually abused in childhood are the subject of intimate partner violence and find it difficult to leave these relationships.

Support and contacts

We encourage anyone who is worried about their own behaviour or confronted by coercive or abusive behaviour from a partner or anyone else to reach out and talk with an experienced counsellor or someone supportive.

Listed here are website and telephone numbers that might be useful to check in with.

Australia-wide

Queensland only

 

1 comment

  1. Comment by Lisa

    Lisa 대답 June 19, 2016 1:24 오전

    After nearly 27 yrs of marriage our relationship has survived many ups and downs but now my husband says he no longer loves me as a wife and is done with everything. For over a month now I was thinking he was having an affair with the gaps in his times amd locations. Accusations were made and he counter accused me. Very nasty verbal battles about communications that should have come out years ago.

    Finally yesterday he came clean and told me his gaps in his time amd locations were due to seeking out a therapist for himself since he was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. I was devastated and ashamed I ever doubted his fidelity, even though he has said he no longer loves me and our marriage is over.

    Now I see some of his behaviour over the years that I questioned, feared and reacted to may have been him coping with this secret. I want him to get help now, but he wants to get our finances and real estate and such taken care of and divided, then deal with his therapy. I have tried to tell him again today how disappointed I am that he doesn’t want to seek help not just for himself but for our marriage too. Maybe getting help years ago would have made a huge change for us, and we would not find ourselves where we are today.

    He has been addicted to porn for years, and asked for anal sex also for years. He finally stopped asking maybe within the last 5 years finally. I rarely initiated sex, since I felt ignored on my levels of communication. I also felt undesirable, since who can live up to porn action and techniques? and he would often watch it then come into bed all ready for action. He equated me not initiating sex as not loving him or caring about him enough.

    We have a mess on our hands, I have been reading all kinds of online info about this kind of trauma and lasting effects and such. We need help as in yesterday. Any thoughts or suggestions? I still love my husband, despite trying not to so I can accept him not loving me anymore. I want him to seek help so he can move forward even without me.
    Thankyou.

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