Sometimes men who have experienced child sexual abuse can struggle to express emotions. Sometimes men who have experienced sexual assault can feel overwhelmed by emotions or feel ‘comfortably numb’. Music can help us to identify and express emotions. Music can help us feel alive and connected. And sometimes music can be life changing. Music can move us and unite us. And sometimes music can help to change the world.
Information from music therapists is that it can be good to listen to music that fits your mood and music that reflects the mood you would like to be in. See ‘How music can support our well-being’ and check out Tune In Not Out.
Collected on this page are some songs which men who have been sexually abused have found validating and encouraging at different times in their life. We are extremely grateful for their generosity in sharing their insights, thoughts and personal play lists. Due to the wonders of the internet and sites like Spotify, we have been able to create an extended playlist for everyone to listen to.
We invite you to contribute
We invite you to send us your own personal playlist with respect to expressing different emotions, perhaps including commentary about what music or certain songs mean to you. Please send us a message with your contribution to this page.
I have cobbled together a list some songs that I have stacked up on my computer, that move me. I have never thought of the music as representing my moods, but can now clearly see that when I was labelling each song with a mood, that I actually do get drawn to these songs according to the mood. For example, when angry, I quickly skip over the lollypop songs.
I only have about 5 moods, or at least 5 categories of music.
Angry – I play these songs when I am angry, but able to still get enjoyment from them. They don’t make me angry (stepping on lego pieces in barefeet does that).
Deep – this is when I am most alert and I get drawn into the words and the music (almost note by note). I go very deep into these songs and they consume me.
Fun – just good fun songs that make me dance (on the inside) or play air guitar.
Sad – same, good sad songs that reflect where I am at the time. Pensive and melancholy.
Wakeup-Grounding – The songs are a great lift up and they ground me. I don’t go deep into them but they keep me on the surface and buoyant. I’ve even slipped in Ravel’s Bolero in that. The Youtube clip of Andre Rieu’s orchestra is a ripper, and condensed into 7 minutes.
This has been a good exercise for me. It was good to catalogue my moods according to music and realise that its not the music that either adds value to the mood, or dampens it. It just reflects it and gives the mood clarity. It’s a very good grounding exercise, as now when I am drawn to the angry songs I realise that I am probably angry. I’m picking on angry a lot at the moment, must be my current comfort-zone.
On reflection, my experience of music composition and performance has been a significant protective factor over the last 40+ years. It has been a privilege to occupy this space and the opportunity to work with other musicians and the broader arts community has enriched my inner and outer worlds. I remember watching a doco on a Welsh choir (yes, coal-dusty men) and one of the chaps mustered one of the most splendid observations I’ve ever heard. It went something like this… “Every day you sing, means an extra day you live”. In mainstream Australian culture, where the only opportunities for collective song are confined to awkward renditions of Happy Birthday and Auld Langs Eyne, the case for karaoke becomes strong! Sharing music through smart devices has offered young people greater scope to explore aspects of identity and affiliation. And it is certainly a lot easier to transport into social spaces than the appalling cassette players of my youth.
It is a great idea and I wouldn’t be surprised if the young person in us all grabs the opportunity to communicate something about ourselves through the tracks chosen.
Songs for me tend to be a reflection or augmentation to how I’m feeling. So I look for music that matches or enhances/supports/intensify the mood I am in.
Probably one of the key albums that I used a lot was a compilation called Cafe Del Mar Vol 7. It is definitely non mainstream music and while it does fall under the electronica banner, it is certainly no banging Trance or similar lol. It is a very chilled compilation and I spent many a late night drunk or lightly stoned or…. whatever or combinations thereof heh heh (that’s just where I was at the time), allowing the music to get me into a very contemplative space. It helped me to feel the entire gamut of emotions…
When I am at work or when I am exercising, I get motivation and/or inspiration from Trance or House music. Driving bass, epic synth riffs and huge lofty melodies really energise me. When I am in a fun mood, or NEED to be, lol, sometimes some good old cheesy 70s disco helps :)