When one or both partners have experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, many couples have joyful, fulfilling, intimate sexual relationships. An experience of sexual abuse does not automatically mean that sex, sexual intimacy and sexual enjoyment will be difficult. Sometimes, 그러나, sexual abuse can impact on partner’s sexual relationship, and require some working through. This page details some common difficulties, along with steps that can be taken to enhance sexual intimacy, for couples where a male partner has experienced childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault.
Foundations for enjoyable sex
처음으로, it is useful to remember that negotiating, developing and maintaining sexual intimacy can be a challenge in ANY relationship. It’s great when satisfying sex and sexual relationships just happen. 그러나, this is not always the case for everyone 100% of the time. In any sexual relationship, each partner will need to work out what is sensual, 놀기 좋아하는, sensitive, joyful and fulfilling for them. Each couple will need to work out how can they make this happen in safe, mutually satisfying ways. 일반적으로, enjoying sexual intimacy in longer term relationships involves a bit of work.
Some building blocks for satisfying sexual relationships are:
- Accurate information about your own sexuality, your partner’s, and about sex itself.
- Having or developing an orientation based on pleasure (각성, 사랑, lust, and fun), rather than performance.
- Having the kind of relationship in which good sex can flourish.
- Being able to communicate verbally and non-verbally about sex.
- Being assertive about your own desires, and able to focus fully on your own pleasure.
- Being exquisitely sensitive to your partner and being able to respond sexually with them.
- Understanding, 접수, and appreciating sex differences.
Factors that can impact on satisfying sex
Ever since the kids came along it seemed like we were not as close as we’d been before, especially in the bedroom. I just thought that things would get better in time, but they’re worse now. We don’t talk about it much and we hardly ever have sex any more. He says it’s the same for everyone and that there’s nothing wrong. So when he finally told me about the abuse I was totally knocked over! But, at the same time it kind of made sense. I had sometimes thought that maybe something might have happened to him. 반면, I felt so sad for him, it was a relief to know.”
Disentangling what might be impacting on shared pleasure in sexual intimacy can be tricky. Given that sexual abuse can have such a profound impact on people’s lives, it is not surprising that when difficulties do appear, couples can focus in on the legacy of the abuse as the source of the problem, when there might be other factors at play.
It is important to consider additional factors that are known to impact on enjoying sex and sexual intimacy in relationships:
- Sleep difficulties.
- Body image.
- Erectile dysfunction and other physical factors.
- Low testosterone.
- Relationship difficulties.
- The impact of parenting.
All of the above can influence individual and couple sexual intimacy, and might need checking out and working on.
It is good to keep in mind that cultural factors and gender expectations also shape men and women’s approach to sex. It is not uncommon for men in our society to grow up believing sex is simply something that they do with their bodies, rather than an expression of emotional intimacy. Also remember that expectations about sexuality and sexual relationships change! The idea that people in long term relationships should have a full and satisfying sex life, based in equality, is a recent one. Up until the 1960s, a man’s role was very much that of provider, ensuring that the family had a roof over their heads and food on the table. 우리의 페이지를 참조하십시오 남자와 친밀.
Particular problems related to sexual abuse
Given that sexual abuse involves unwanted sexual contact or inappropriate exposure, sex and sexually intimate relationships can easily become a place where difficulties might appear. Sometimes, men who have been sexually abused have been able to ‘do’ or ‘perform’ sex in a casual way in their teens or twenties. The difficulties are often identified later, when engaging in sex within the context of a loving relationship.
일부 남성의 경우, the experience of sexual assault can at times “play itself out” in the area of sex and intimacy. If the sexual assault has occurred within an emotionally intimate relationship, for example with a trusted adult, then it makes sense that when sex and intimacy come together later in life alarm bells can sound.
An experience of childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault can impact on sexual relationships in the following ways:
- Increased confusion during sexual and emotional intimacy.
- Discomfort with touch in certain areas of the body.
- Limiting the type of sexual activity considered okay or enjoyable.
- Requiring certain circumstances to be in place. 예를 들면, lights on or off when sex occurs.
- Experiencing difficulties in achieving sexual arousal or ejaculation.
- Feeling distress, shame or guilt about a sexual response, interest or fantasy.
- Low libido or avoiding sex altogether.
- Excessive interest and validation of manhood through sex.
- Engaging in sexually compulsive behavior.
- ‘Checking out,’ disengaging emotionally.
- Requiring the use of pornography or sexual aids to achieve arousal or ejaculation.
- Difficulty trusting sexual partners.
- Experiencing panic attacks, disassociation or 플래시백 during sexual activity.
- Difficulties in sexual relationships, confusing sex with love, care-giving, 남용, 고통, with being powerless or being powerful.
대부분의 남자는 성적 욕구가있을 때 실제 성적 흥분은 발생할 수 있음을 믿고 제기된다. 남자는 물리적 각성을 경험 한 경우, 도 사정, 학대의 한 부분으로, 그것은 그에게 매우 혼란 스러울 수 있습니다. He may believe that he was in some way responsible for what occurred, and this may even have been suggested to him by the abuser. His whole sense of being a man and his sexuality can then come into conflict (see 성적 폭행 & 각성). 사실 그 80% of men who are sexually abused in childhood are sexually abused by men means that they are often confronted by questions relating to sexuality. 일부 직선 식별 남자는 말했다되었을 수 있습니다, 또는 비밀리에 두려워, 그들은 게이 있음. This can get in the way of emotional and sexual intimacy with partners.
섹스의 이해를 형성 할 수있는 방법 성적 학대
An experience of sexual abuse can produce a particular mind-set, or frame of reference, where sex become viewed in unhelpful negative terms, rather than a positive energy that consenting adults can enjoy. 에 의해 컴파일 된 우수한 목록은 아래를 참조하십시오 Healthyplace.com
|성적 학대로 섹스||Sex as positive sexual energy|
|통제 할 수없는 에너지로 섹스||제어 에너지로 섹스|
|섹스는 의무입니다||섹스는 선택이다|
|섹스는 중독성이||섹스는 자연 드라이브|
|섹스는 상처입니다||섹스 육성, 치료|
|성별 사랑를 수신 조건||섹스는 사랑의 표현입니다|
|Sex is a ‘doing to’ 어떤 사람||섹스는 사람과 공유|
|섹스는 상품입니다||섹스는 내가 누군지의 일부입니다|
|섹스는 소통의 부재이다||섹스 통신을 포함|
|섹스는 비밀입니다||섹스는 비공개입니다|
|Sex is exploitative||Sex is respectful|
|Sex is deceitful||Sex is honest|
|Sex benefits one person||Sex is mutual|
|Sex is emotionally distant||Sex is intimate|
|Sex is irresponsible||Sex is responsible|
|Sex is unsafe||Sex is safe|
|Sex has no limits||Sex has boundaries|
|Sex is power over someone||Sex is empowering|
Negotiating and enhancing a sexual relationship with a partner can be a challenge if the partner does not know about the experience of sexual abuse. This can further isolate the man and have him trying to control, work it out or manage situations and bodily reactions.
I always knew there were some no-go zones – things that we just didn’t do and places I just didn’t touch but I never knew why. 지금은 그런 것들에 대해되었습니다 무엇을 나에게 의미를 많이하게하고 내가 모든 것을 할 필요없이 우리는 여전히 긴밀한 관계를 가질 수 있음을 알 수. 사실로, it is better now that I know what is uncomfortable for him and why.”
- 이 성적 접촉시 다시 나타 성적 학대에 관한 기억과 어려움에 대한 것은 드문 일이 아니다주의하십시오. Situations that replicate the experience of the abuse are likely to be particularly challenging.
- Develop an awareness of what are, or might be, the sensitive areas, 시나리오, and trigger points following an experiences of sexual abuse. 예를 들면, 누가 참여했다, their gender, 관계의 문맥, 참여 또는 해제의 방법, 장소, 행위, 위치, 터치, 냄새, 소리, 감정, 등.
- Place an emphasis on slowly developing an understanding of preferences in:
- Prioritising safety and choice.
- Becoming familiar and comfortable with your body.
- Talking and how to talk about these topics.
- Being together and in tune with your partner and their body.
- Your wishes and desires.
이야기, 시간이 걸릴과 선택의 우선 순위를
- Increased emotional engagement and communication have been specifically identified as important qualities. These improve the sexual relationship where the male partner has experienced sexual abuse.
- 문제가 발생하는 경우, take time to check in and reassure yourself that it is not about you. Some partners may feel unattractive, or that they have somehow done something wrong, and not realise it isn’t about this at all.
- 가능하다면, 어려움에 대한 당신의 파트너 이야기. Offer some ways forward that you have already thought about, 예를 들면, 초점이 생식기 성교에없이 친밀한 터치 실험.
- Be really clear about your partner’s and your own boundaries and limits. Everyone has a right to say “No” to things that don’t feel comfortable or safe.
- Know that when your partner is sexual with you he is taking a big step in trust. The occasional stumble is to be expected.
Be cautious of applying standardised sex therapy techniques for engagement and enhancing sexual pleasure. These may not consider and adjust for the influence of an experience of sexual abuse. Some sex therapy techniques can be very prescriptive, giving people specific homework to do, rather than prioritizing people’s sense of personal choice and control.
Seek help if difficulties persist
Sex ought to be an enjoyable, 장난, life giving aspect in intimate partner relationships. If difficulties continue after talking things through, and trying different ways to introduce more sexual intimacy into your relationship, do seek help from a qualified counsellor or sex therapist. Ideally you are looking to talk with a professional person who has understanding, knowledge and experience in addressing histories of sexual trauma in ways that support enhancement of sexual intimacy.
- Anderson Jacob, C. McCarthy Veach. Intrapersonal and familial effects if childhood sexual abuse on female partners of male survivors. Journal of counselling psychology 2005, 52:3, 284-297
- Hall, 케이. ‘Childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual problems: A new view of assessment and treatment’. Feminism and Psychology 2008 18:546-556.
- Sanderson, Christiane. Counselling Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse, 3rd Ed. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2006.
- Schachter, C.L., 스토커, C.A., Teram, E., 액, G.C., Danilkewich, A. (2009). Handbook on sensitive practice for health care practitioner: Lessons from adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse. Ottawa: Public Health Agency of Canada. HTTP://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/sources/nfnts/nfnts-sensi/index-eng.php