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Supporting partners after sexual abuse

Supporting partners after sexual abuse

对于那些工作与男性被性侵犯者是一个关键的学习,重要的是优先支持妇女, 合作伙伴和家庭成员. 男性投资,以确保他们的合作伙伴得到支持. 男性的生活和呼吸的关系,像女人增强他们的生活和成长的关系上下文. 虽然这听起来可能通常意义上,我们应当确保妇女, 合作伙伴和家人提供高质量的信息和支持, 仍然有很多的工作要做. 挣扎在场边也往往是潜​​在的盟友在治疗的旅程留下.

在生活好, 请求援助谁经历过性虐待的男性往往是女性伴侣或家庭成员发起的. 这些妇女告诉关心和关注的一个太熟悉的故事,, 因为他们的斗争与他们的合作伙伴性虐待的影响, 他们的关系和自己. 这是典型的听到了以下意见:

女性合作伙伴报告

在过去的几年里,我一直在努力了解已经持续… 我爱我的丈夫… 亲爱的,我知道他, 善良的男人, 但我看他疏远我和我们的孩子… 他工作时间长… 他不再跟我说话… 他停下来睡觉… 他口口声声说这不是你, 这就是我… 如果不是我,那么我为什么被惩罚? 当我告诉他事情不得不改变我离开, that’s when he told me… he told me about being sexually abused two years ago, 但他不会去,并得到帮助… 我不明白… 他让我保证不告诉… 我知道这听起​​来不领情,他一直通过与地狱, 但我没有参加这个… 他得到更好的,需要多长时间… 我不知道该怎么办… 我觉得像我要去下… 我们需要帮助… 它撕裂我们的关系除了… 它使我支离破碎.

我们说话的妇女是不是只是想知道如何最好地支持在他们的生活中的男人, they are seeking support for themselves as people whose relationships and life are being ‘torn apart.’

什么可以使关系,特别是困难

In supporting partners after sexual abuse, and trying to offer personalised support, we are aware that there is a complex interplay of factors, both social and sexual abuse related, that confront these women. Young men’s typical ways of managing the effects of sexual abuse can have them flying under the radar in their teens and twenties. These coping methods include not talking, 拒绝, 饮用水, 药物, 滥交, 麻木, 承担风险, and limited expression of emotions. 年轻男子的行为是如何, 权? 但, 当年轻男子开始一段感情时,他们往往居住生活的方式改变这些挑战, 作为合作伙伴的寻找关系为依托,致力, 信任, 爱, 关心和亲密. 什么可以使这更困难的是亲密的关系,可以触发提醒儿童性虐待. This is because abuse often occurs in similar interpersonal contexts, but involving a betrayal of trust. 这并不奇怪,然后改变压力往往建立在关系之上.

合作伙伴是很经常会告诉男人的性虐待的第一人. On average, 男人披露的性虐待 22 两年后,, 10 一年后,多于女性. Telling does not mean, 但, that the shame, 有罪, and fear of people questioning his manhood or sexuality (the things that led him to keep the abuse secret) just go away. Partners report pressure to take on and keep the secret. 这隔离妇女的效果的从个人支持他们的重要来源,在他们最需要它的时候.

压力是唯一的支持者

压力的合作伙伴可以感受到作为唯一的支持者是太大的奢望一个人. We know that being well connected and supported is important for our health and well being. 但, 当前男性健康的研究笔记的人是不太可能比女性获得医疗保健和咨询. 进一步, men have smaller social support networks than women, and men are unlikely to have a close confidant other than their partner. 这种缺乏支持的问题,夫妇处理性虐待, 离开双方疲于应付.

缺乏社会各界的认可, 谁曾不必要的和辱骂性接触的男性的认识和支持有显着影响人的生活和对妇女的生活. Our intent in naming some of the challenges that couples face in addressing the impact of sexual abuse has been to both highlight the complexity of factors at play, and to encourage greater support for partners and families. 有许多这里没有提到, 包括妇女也经历过性虐待的人面临的特殊挑战, 母亲/父亲和同性伴侣 (hopefully we can includes some articles on these issues at some point).

关系可以治愈的地方

在生活好, 我们从经验中知道,正如关系可以是有关性虐待的问题,可以出现的地方, 他们也可以是一个深刻的愈合. 一起散步的疗愈之旅可以是艰苦的工作和无限奖励. 健康, 幸福的关系可以是解药性虐待. 关系可以是一个地方,人们学习感到安全,并尊重他们的选择. 关系是个人的地方可以学习自我照顾,并提供护理, 支持和鼓励他人, 情侣们可以在那里建立信任, 恭, 亲密, 性感的, 爱的关系.

如果你或你的伴侣都在努力与性虐待的影响, 我们鼓励你寻求进一步的信息和支持辅导员或服务供应商谁拥有的知识和经验与谁经历过性虐待的人在工作. Partners of men might also find help in our pages under 合作伙伴的信息.

 

1 评论

  1. Comment by Pauline

    Pauline 回复 三月 5, 2017 2:07 下午

    My husband of 21 years of marriage has just disclosed to me his sexual abuse from his mother. I told him how sorry I was to hear this and that he it wasn’t his fault. I have been through infidelity with him many times and I asked him if there was more than the three that I know of and he said yes. What I don’t understand is why he wants to bring the sexual abuser his mother into our bedroom almost like it turns him on more. I have stopped having sex with him in the last two weeks and I told him prior to his disclosure that I want a divorce. He had been going out every weekend telling me that he’s going to see the guys but after all this then I know where he was. I want to help him I just don’t know if this is possible. He said he remember seeing something on TV a guy from jail and the only way out of this is to hang himself. These kinds of scenarios I don’t like to hear or see and this evening he’s out again, I’m probably 90% positive that he’s with one of his girlfriends. I just don’t know what to do one part of me says to just let him go like he says he’ll move out in the summer but I don’t know if he’ll do that either I told him I’m not his backup if his girlfriend is don’t work. I try not to say really anything to him about his girlfriends and he keeps trying to have sex with me every night. He is obsessed with p*** in pictures of young girls and boys. This is such a sad state I feel so bad for him. I know what is like to be abused sexually because I was at a younger age but I have gone beyond that and have decided that was then and then I have to keep on going with my life but I don’t think he gets that it’s affected him very much more

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