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If you have experienced flashbacks in the past, please take care while reading this page. Some examples may be triggering.

I was travelling along okay and then 'BANG', dari mana-mana tempat, Saya terus ke sana. Ia diputar saya keluar. Saya tidak tahu apa yang berlaku."

Pengenalan

Flashbacks can hit like lightningRamai lelaki yang telah mengalami penderaan seksual adalah tertakluk kepada imbasan. Imbasan muncul sebagai kenangan atau serpihan kenangan dari acara baru-baru ini atau yang lepas. Mereka boleh menjadi gemuruh, menyakitkan dan mengganggu. Imbasan boleh bertahan beberapa saat ringkas atau melibatkan ingat memori yang luas. Mereka boleh berlaku siang atau malam, apabila anda sedar atau tidur dan boleh membawa anda sepenuhnya oleh kejutan. Mereka boleh berada di dalam orang yang pertama (di mana ia berasa seperti anda berada di sana, melihat dan mengalami perkara-perkara melalui mata anda) atau orang ketiga (di mana ia boleh menjadi seperti anda menonton filem di mana anda adalah watak utama). Kadang-kadang imbasan boleh memainkan semula peristiwa-peristiwa yang anda sebelum ini tidak sedar atau telah lama dilupakan.

Imbasan boleh mengambil pelbagai bentuk:

  • Kenangan Visual: Images, tiga imej aneka dimensi, hitam dan putih, berkabus atau jelas.
  • Kenangan pendengaran: Sounds like music, bernafas, menutup pintu, jejak langkah.
  • Kenangan emosi: Feelings of distress, putus asa, kemarahan, keganasan, takut, bahaya atau kekurangan lengkap perasaan (kebas).
  • Kenangan Badan: Physical sensations including pain, loya, gagging sensasi, kesukaran menelan, feeling restricted, difficulty breathing.
  • Kenangan deria: Experiences such as particular smells or tastes.

Apabila flashback berlaku, kini sering menjadi keliru dengan masa lalu: anda boleh berasa di luar kawalan, seperti anda akan gila. Sebagai tindak balas kepada kenangan yang menyedihkan orang boleh membangunkan kesukaran bernafas, pening pengalaman, kekeliruan, ketegangan otot, berdebar-debar jantung, bersalaman dan ketidakupayaan untuk menumpukan perhatian. Imbasan boleh menyebabkan anda berasa takut, keliru dan bermasalah. Mereka boleh mengganggu hidup anda dalam bahawa mereka boleh menggalakkan anda untuk mengelakkan orang-orang, tempat-tempat dan aktiviti-aktiviti yang berkaitan dengan mereka.

Saya tahu penderaan itu berlaku lebih 20 tahun yang lalu, tetapi ia berasa seperti saya di dalam bilik dengan dia, bau, campuran mengelirukan takut, panik dan keseronokan. Saya hanya beku.”

Sesetengah masalah lelaki harus sedar

Apa yang boleh membuat imbasan sukar bagi lelaki untuk mengakui dan berurusan dengan adalah idea yang tidak realistik bahawa lelaki harus sentiasa berada dalam kawalan badan dan mampu menghadapi apa-apa. Ini boleh mempunyai orang-orang bukan sahaja perlu berurusan dengan imbasan diundang, tetapi menilai dan menjadi ke atas diri mereka untuk tidak menguruskan lebih baik, melihat ia sebagai sejenis komentar kepada mereka sebagai seorang lelaki. Jenis-jenis flashback yang muncul sebagai tindak balas emosi tanpa apa-apa memori yang jelas peristiwa pada masa lalu boleh menjadi terutamanya bermasalah dalam hal ini.

Apa yang boleh membantu?

Ramai orang bekerja daripada cara mereka sendiri menghadapi imbasan, tetapi di sini adalah beberapa idea yang anda mungkin dapati berguna:

  • Cari tempat yang selamat tenang di mana anda boleh duduk.
  • Memberitahu diri anda bahawa anda mempunyai flashback, bahawa ini adalah satu ingatan dari masa lalu dan anda boleh menjaga diri anda pada masa sekarang.
  • Ingatlah bahawa anda boleh memilih sama ada untuk ingat semula dan berasa.
  • Anda mungkin mahu untuk mengatakan kepada diri sendiri "Aku akan membiarkan memori yang lulus oleh.”
  • Tarik nafas perlahan-lahan dan mendalam. Belajar bernafas dari diafragma anda; meletakkan tangan anda di sana hanya di bawah pusat anda dan bernafas supaya tangan anda mendapat ditolak atas dan ke bawah. Selalunya apabila kita terkejut atau takut, kita bernafas lebih cepat dan mengurangkan pengambilan oksigen kami. Kekurangan oksigen boleh meningkatkan perasaan panik: ia boleh menyebabkan berdebar-debar di kepala, sesak, rasa pitam, kegoyahan dan pening. Jika anda mengira perlahan-lahan ke lima semasa anda menghembus nafas, ia akan membantu melambatkan pernafasan anda ke bawah dan akan menenangkan anda fisiologi.
  • Bayangkan bahawa imej-imej yang anda lihat adalah pada skrin TV. Hidupkan bunyi ke, menghidupkan semula, kemudian TV luar supaya imej yang hilang.
  • Aktif tanah diri anda pada masa sekarang:
  • Setem kaki anda; mengisar mereka di atas lantai untuk mengingatkan diri anda di mana anda berada sekarang.
  • Lihat sekeliling, melihat apa yang sedang berlaku di kawasan terdekat anda: namakan orang, tempat, perabot, meletakkan tanah itu, warna, corak, dan sebagainya.
  • Mendengar bunyi di sekeliling anda: trafik, suara-suara, mesin basuh, dan sebagainya.
  • Rasa badan anda, notis bagaimana anda duduk, pakaian anda, rasa kerusi atau lantai menyokong anda.
  • Jika imbasan adalah sangat biasa, ia boleh menjadi satu strategi yang berguna untuk sentiasa memakai barangan yang tidak wujud ketika itu, perkara-perkara yang tanah anda dalam kehidupan semasa anda, menonton, denyar, berwarna jalur pergelangan tangan.
  • Tumpukan perhatian anda pada mengingati sesuatu yang mencabar, seperti lirik lagu tertentu, kawan hari lahir atau puisi kegemaran.
  • Actively bring your awareness into the present by gently 'pinging' band di pergelangan tangan anda, dengan menyimbah air pada muka anda, dengan membalut diri anda dalam sesuatu yang hangat – sensasi fizikal yang menimbulkan adalah dari masa, kandungan flashback adalah dari masa lalu.
Dapatkan sokongan

Ia mungkin berguna untuk membiarkan orang-orang di sekeliling anda tahu mengenai imbasan dan bagaimana mereka boleh bekerja, supaya anda boleh menerima sokongan. Kawan boleh membantu anda untuk melambatkan pernafasan anda, untuk bercakap dengan anda, untuk mendapatkan anda minuman panas. Tujuannya adalah untuk membantu menyambung semula dengan masa kini dengan cara yang selamat dan menyokong.

Berbuat baik kepada diri sendiri

Selepas mengalami flashback, anda mungkin mahu untuk berehat atau mengganggu diri anda untuk seketika, mempunyai tidur yang, minuman panas, berehat dan mendengar muzik, menonton TV, bermain permainan komputer, berkebun atau hanya mengambil masa yang tenang untuk anda. Kata-kata sokongan dan galakan kepada diri sendiri lebih cenderung untuk membantu anda berurusan dengan imbasan daripada mempersoalkan dan menilai diri.

Nota: Walaupun imbasan selalunya boleh pelawat sangat tidak diingini dalam hidup anda, kadang-kadang mereka boleh mengeluarkan maklumat dan perasaan yang mengisi jurang yang wujud dalam ingatan anda. Sesetengah lelaki telah diterangkan bagaimana mereka menyediakan 'sekeping di jigsaw’ yang membantu mereka membuat rasa lebih baik dari apa yang berlaku. Mencari kaunselor terlatih yang boleh memberi sokongan dan bekerjasama dengan anda berhubung dengan imbasan dan mendapatkan pada dengan hidup anda adalah bernilai mengingati.

Meletakkan imbasan berterusan di tempat mereka

Jika memori yang dikenali dan diterima sebagai sebahagian daripada pengalaman hidup anda adalah kurang cenderung untuk mengganggu anda pada masa sekarang, walaupun acara itu menyakitkan dan anda mahu ia tidak pernah berlaku. Apa yang boleh membuat imbasan yang sukar adalah bahawa mereka boleh mengejutkan anda, nampaknya muncul daripada mana-mana sebagai ingatan separa atau kilauan acara yang anda sebelum ini mempunyai ingatan terhad. Jika menyimpan kenangan ini muncul semula dan mendapat di jalan anda hidup anda, ia boleh menjadi berguna untuk bekerja bagaimana datang anda mempunyai imbasan tentang peristiwa-peristiwa tertentu atau orang-orang ini sekarang?

Kesedaran tentang 'pencetus / s’ yang merangsang ini imbasan boleh berguna, kerana ia membuat kemunculan memori difahami – "Anda tidak akan gila.”

Apabila anda berasa selamat, disokong dan santai, anda mungkin mendapati ia berguna untuk mempertimbangkan atau menulis

  • Apa yang berlaku apabila memori muncul?
  • Di manakah anda? Siapakah di seluruh? Apa yang anda rasa / pemikiran, berbau / mendengar / melihat / penderiaan?
  • Adakah ini berkaitan dengan peristiwa di masa lalu anda?

Kadang-kadang apa yang telah mencetuskan flashback boleh dilihat dengan serta-merta (seperti memandu lalu sekolah lama anda, mengadakan hubungan seks). Walau bagaimanapun, beberapa kenangan yang tidak selesa boleh dicetuskan oleh perubahan yang lebih besar dalam keadaan (bermula hubungan, berkahwin atau rakan kongsi yang menjadi ibu bapa). Mereka juga boleh dikaitkan dengan perasaan tertentu seperti takut atau panik. Dengan perasan pencetus mungkin dan bagaimana mereka boleh dikaitkan dengan peristiwa sebelumnya dalam hidup anda memori yang berkaitan menjadi difahami. Jika kemudian flashback yang sama muncul lagi anda tidak perlu menghabiskan masa dengan ia di luar mencatatkan kehadirannya – anda tahu dan apa yang ia merujuk kepada – sekarang anda boleh memberi tumpuan kepada menjaga diri anda pada masa sekarang.

Meletakkan tenaga ke dalam hidup anda pada masa sekarang

Seperti yang dinyatakan sebelum ini, selalunya perkara yang terbaik anda boleh lakukan apabila flashback berlaku adalah untuk ambil perhatian rupanya, bertenang dan berehat diri, dan kemudian meletakkan tenaga anda ke dalam melakukan apa yang penting kepada anda – hidup anda pada masa sekarang. Berikut adalah beberapa soalan praktikal yang boleh membantu mengurangkan pengaruh imbasan dengan mengekalkan tumpuan pada masa ini:

  • Bagaimana saya berbeza sekarang daripada orang yang telah didera atau diserang?
  • Berapa lama saya sekarang? Di mana saya hidup / kerja sekarang?
  • Apakah pilihan yang saya ada sekarang bahawa saya tidak mempunyai kemudian?
  • Siapakah yang boleh saya meminta sokongan dan dorongan?
  • Bagaimana saya suka menghabiskan masa saya?
  • Di mana saya mahu meletakkan tenaga saya sekarang?

Nota: Jika imbasan berterusan dalam mengganggu kehidupan anda, ia adalah bernilai mencari seorang kaunselor terlatih yang akan menyediakan maklumat, sokongan dan dorongan kepada anda.

Penghargaan: Dicipta dengan merujuk kepada Brisbane Serangan Seksual Perkhidmatan Handout 'Urusan imbasan’ dan Ontario Persatuan Perkhidmatan Male Survivor Bahan Pendidikan URUSAN imbasan yang dibangunkan oleh Rick Goodwin, MSW RSW of The Men's Project, 2004.

 

31 komen

  1. Comment by andy

    andy Balas Disember 11, 2015 pada 4:07 pada

    I liked this very much .
    The bullet points helped .
    I would like to hear someone talking in a little film clip .or a display moving

  2. Comment by Angela Schmidt

    Angela Schmidt Balas Disember 16, 2015 pada 3:53 pada

    This was very helpful to share with clients.

    THANKYOU!!

  3. Comment by Aly bird

    Aly bird Balas Januari 11, 2016 pada 11:02 pada

    This reading was very well done and put together. But reading it was hard. Reading it brought the flashback on amd it side blinded me. I got very angry that something like this could still have a hold over me. Anyone reading this ever have this happen. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Terima kasih.

    • Comment by Natasha

      Natasha Balas Januari 19, 2016 pada 9:46 pm

      Very well written and presented piece of writing. Really insightful; terima kasih.

      Note to Aly Bird: I am sorry to read that you too still suffer. As for the feelings of anger, I believe that to be a natural response; it plagues my life more than I like to admit. My triggers change as my recovery and processing of my trauma does. Things that never were a recognised trigger for me, like the sensation of sitting on my bed with the bare carpet under my feet, surface, while things that I felt physically intolerant of, like wearing scarves, no longer affect me in the same way. I have so much more work to do still, but am happy to reach out again if I can be of any help. :) Wishing you peace and lasting wholeness.

  4. Comment by Kris

    Kris Balas Mac 5, 2016 pada 5:07 pada

    I think the anger you feel is completely understandable. And flashbacks never make an appointment with you beforehand, that’s for sure! You’re so right about being side-blinded. The shock sometimes takes my breath away. In my own case, my flashbacks have been like different pieces or fragments of the abuse coming together to form a fuller picture. I think that may be why it’s possible to feel upset and angry that it still has a hold on us, because the memories can’t always be dealt with in one Perhaps (I’m only offering a suggestion) the flashbacks still surface because you’re stillprocessingcertain parts of your memories and/or emotions associated with the abuse. You must be compassionate with yourself. There is absolutely no weakness in our feelings, our fear, keganasan. We have gone tgrough so much and are strong and brave to face it. All best wishes.

  5. Comment by cb

    cb Balas Mac 6, 2016 pada 2:10 pm

    Saya 37 and male.

    Been dealing with these things at varying intensity for around 27 tahun. The worst are when I’m lying in bed. They can feel so real at times and I often react as if it’s happening now. I feel so crazy because I know I’m fighting a phantom, but I still end up feeling so violated when the episode ends.

    At some point, whether it’s a few seconds or more, I’m eventually able to scream out something likeYou’re not real” atau “it’s 2016, not 1988.I live alone so I’m not disturbing anyone when this happens, but then I realize I’m alone because I’m disturbed.

    • Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

      Jess [Living Well Staff] Balas Mac 14, 2016 pada 9:58 pada

      Hi CB,
      Thanks for coming forward and sharing your story. I know that isn’t easy.

      It’s awesome that you’re seeking information, and sharing some strategies that works for you. I think our page on grounding exercises might also be helpful for dealing with flashbacks and bringing you back to the present moment.

      I think though that when you’ve been through something as traumatic as sexual abuse, it is the situation that is disturbing / disturbed, not you.

      I’d like to invite you to check out our partners in the USA: https://1in6.org/. They’ll have more support and info relevant to you.

      Best of luck in your journey.

      • Comment by grader

        grader Balas Boleh 9, 2016 pada 8:48 pm

        Hi there !! please can anyone help me. i am getting flashbacks whenever i see a dog!! dogs are everywhere.. when i was in grade 9 … i changed school branches (but same school ) … and i earned a nickname dog . so in grade 9 untuk 5-6 months it was worse. i feard if my friend would tell that nickname to othersi got support from a friend in grade 10 but he didntknew that i had that horrible nickname. in grade 10 section changed but the kid who gave me nickname was stiillin the sameclass .. although there was support from that friend i feared if the kid would spreadmynickname all over…. so life was distressing for those nearlt two yearsmy grade was affectedi thinki was mostly victim of verbal bullying but not of physicalso yeah can anyone help me .. how to cope with it….. i would thank u somuch for givingme any suggestionso yeah now i have nearly finished my grade 12 but still those 2 years of nickname calling flashbacks me …..

    • Comment by sam

      am Balas Februari 26, 2017 pada 4:34 pm

      Hi CB,

      Saya 33 and male.

      I can really relate to whats happening with you , its real bad and staying alone is also no good but its comforting in dark hours. I would suggest that keep yourself involved in activities that brightens your soul. Dont torture yourself any more, the perpetrators needs to feel sorry.

      I would like to see u more happy, mental and physical stronger and more happening. We dont know what happens afterlife , dont burn in old memories , u dont know whether human life gifted to you will be awarded again or not. Take it as phase of life and love your gift of life.

      FLY HIGH AND REJOICE

      Love
      Sam

  6. Comment by Ambz

    Ambz Balas April 25, 2016 pada 1:54 pm

    This was helpful. I used to get flashbacks a lot but when I came out about what happened, they gradually stopped. I was caught off gaurd just now (years later) and I didnt know what to do. I was having a physical and emotional flashback. This page helped me understand that these flashbacks are normal even though they arent visual. I was also able to explain this to my partner easily so he understood how to help me. Terima kasih.
    One thing though. While reading the examples for the typesof flashbacks, I was triggered more. I think they are important but maybe put a warning or have it so that you click a button to view them. They did help me feel like Im not alone with what I feel.

    • Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

      Jess [Living Well Staff] Balas April 29, 2016 pada 10:12 pada

      Thanks so much Ambz for your feedback. We’re always totally open to it. I’ve added a content warning and altered some of the language a bit.

      • Comment by Erika

        Erika Balas November 28, 2016 pada 2:51 pada

        I have flashbacks every time I hear the r word after going through a horrible assultwhen I was 19 and in college. Even when I hear his name. I am now 31 and trying to get over this chapter in my life is so hard to do. I was beaten and drugged during this abusive relationship to, any advice on how to get over this would be greatly appreciated

        • Comment by Erika

          Erika Balas November 28, 2016 pada 2:55 pada

          I experienced the assault when I was 19

  7. Comment by James Smith

    James Smith Balas Jun 9, 2016 pada 12:25 pm

    I suffer from flashbacks a lot. I’ve been dealing with them through my psychologist, however things still trigger me, like slamming doors, smell of the classroom, smell of books. People coming up and touching me from behind just on the shoulder will trigger me, people invading my space or being startled while sleeping. I think being startled while sleeping is the worst one ever. You should be safe, and feel safe while sleeping, but when you get startled by a slamming door, or any other thing that can wake you, it takes me hours to get back to sleep.

    I’ve tried a lot of things over the years but very little helps stop my flashbacks. There are four of us being abused at the same time, very violent, very sexual and very verbally abused. The only thing I can do is remind the child in me that nobody will ever hurt him again. that I do believe is the best advice my psychologist has ever given me. I find it works the best to calm myself down and get over a flashback quicker.

    It took me a long time, lebih 20 years to be exact; it was 27 years before I was willing to deal with it. I know there are videos of the abuse happening. I’ll never be able to get rid of them.

    I was given the opportunity to get help at no cost from my group here in Calgary Alberta. I am so thankful and grateful that that group is able to help men deal with childhood sexual assault. This is the first time I personally talked about this to anybody other than my psychologist. The group I am involved with is cc4ms. You can get help, all you need to do is ask.

    • Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

      Jess [Living Well Staff] Balas Jun 10, 2016 pada 10:24 pada

      Thanks James for sharing your story with us. It is a powerful one, and it seems that you are able to share some very wise words here as a result:

      Support is available. You don’t need to go through this alone.

      We believe that to be true as well.. and actually you have kind of proven it to be true by sharing some of your experiences with us, including a quite helpful strategy for getting through flashbacks.

      Care for your inner child. Tell him the things you know he needed to hear all those years ago. You can be there for him now.

      Best of luck on your continuing journey, James.

  8. Comment by Tana

    Tana Balas Julai 4, 2016 pada 2:24 pada

    I recently started having flashbacks of sexual assault. It truly took me off guard while I was driving down the road, I don’t even know why or what triggered them, but I had to pull over and throw up. The whole rest of the night I couldn’t sleep because every time I closed my eyes more memories would come flooding back and I would feel as if I can’t breathe.
    I tried to keep myself as busy as possible for a few days but they flood my mind all the time. I have questioned my mom on a few details (but haven’t told her) and she has confirmed that details of certain things in my flashbacks are indeed real, which scares me even more.
    This is all so new to me and I hoping some of these tips help me get my emotions and life back.

  9. Comment by Kymmie

    Kymmie Balas Julai 12, 2016 pada 11:13 pm

    As difficult as these articles are to read they are real eye openers into my coping mechanisms and behaviours. I have quite a few different flashbacks that occur as I was abused for about 4 years as a child, maybe more but I don’t remember. I then have a memory as a 12 yr old getting attacked again by the same person but thankfully being strong enough to say no. He commented on my boobs so I have a huge problem with them during intimacy. Mostly my flashbacks occur during sex or foreplay more so foreplay. I have adopted the technique of running my hands through my husbands hair and feeling his ears etc when these traumatic memories strike. My husband knows I do this and knows that I’m just trying to bring myself back to feeling safe knowing that its him. He also knows that there are particular things and words during sex and forplay that can trigger memories so he stares clear of those.
    I haven’t been completely transparent with my husband though. I do have serious communication and intimacy issues that still need work but I’m glad I found this website. Even though its based around men being abused 95% of it all is relating to me.

  10. Comment by Joseph Leonard

    Joseph Leonard Balas Julai 31, 2016 pada 10:00 pm

    i still have flashbacks up till this moment, but i can’t explain or find how to deal with it. mine isnt like a flash back, sometimes i feel i have seen the present before. for example there are incidents that happen in the present and i have seen them in my past, or had flashbacks of themthe truth is sometimes i don’t really understand what it meansmy imagination drives me crazy.

    • Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

      Jess [Living Well Staff] Balas Ogos 31, 2016 pada 2:28 pm

      Hi Joseph,

      Thanks for getting in touch with us.

      The difficulty with flashbacks is that they can leave you profoundly disoriented. Flashbacks are a really individual experience, they can be quite different for everyone, and one person can experience different types of flashback.

      A feature of flashbacks is that they mess with your sense of time, so that you can be in present and experience a rush of thoughts, sights, bunyi, tastes and feelings that may be related in some way to the past, or a series of events that have happened at different times in your life. This is inherently unsettling and confusing and can be so difficult to make sense of.

      Flashbacks might be like you describe, where you are experiencing something in the present and have a sense that you have experienced this before. This is sometimes known as a sense of ‘déjà vu’, which translates from the French as ‘already seen’.

      Although there seems to be a kind of invitation to spend time with these flashbacks and try and work out what they mean or what they relate to, the best thing to do at the time is to reconnect to your present surroundings. A grounding exercise of some kind can be really useful for bringing yourself back to the present moment. So can certain mindfulness exercises, like paying close attention to something in your immediate environment. An example is to stop, slow down, and notice what’s happening around you. What can you see, menyentuh, or hear? Pick out one thing, like the ticking of a clock, or the traffic going by. Zoom all of your attention in on that sound and really pay attention to it. Whenever your thoughts or something else distracts you, just pull your attention back to that one thing.

      If the flashbacks persist, or are causing you stress, we would recommend seeing a counsellor who understands how to address trauma. Check out our list of worldwide online services.
      Take care Joseph.

      • Comment by Amy Lootens

        Amy Lootens Balas Oktober 12, 2016 pada 12:40 pada

        Jess, The problem with the flashbacks that feel like present that you are now experiencing is when it was other people telling you what would happen to you later and they were right. Grassroots terrorism.

  11. Comment by wendy

    wendy Balas November 11, 2016 pada 10:27 pada

    This is very useful for females as well thanks ;) I started having intense flashbacks about sexual assaults I experienced when i was 10, i’m now 46. I am beginning to realise a big trigger for me is going to my daughters primary schoolit smells like my old primary school, feels like it, and i was in year 5 dan 6 when the assaults occurred. thanks for the articlevery helpful :)

  12. Comment by elontra

    elontra Balas Disember 2, 2016 pada 2:47 pm

    i was sexual abused from a family member and it was last year right before Christmas, and then I tried to kill my self. now that time of year is coming around again. I am having sever flash back and crying eposides.

    • Comment by Brenton [Living Well Staff]

      Brenton [Living Well Staff] Balas Januari 24, 2017 pada 12:14 pm

      Hi Elontra,

      Thank you for your comment and reaching out for help.

      Anniversaries and the surrounding time of traumatic events can be tough. There are a couple of things you can do to ensure your safety.

      Plan ahead for the traumatic period. Since for you it occurred around Christmas, you might consider whether you find work a distraction or a burden. Some people find work allows them to keep busy and not focus too much on the memories, whilst some people prefer to take time off and reduce external stressors.

      On planning you might link in with a therapist earlier in the year and work on a plan for what to do when Christmas rolls around. Another option is to find a therapist who specialises in sexual abuse and begin working on addressing some of the issues.

      Some other questions to consider include, do you have any friends or family you feel safe around? If so you might let them know you struggle around this time of year, and invite them to touch base with you over this period. It can be helpful to have a list of activities you can engage in to self sooth.

      Please take care of yourself, Elontra.

  13. Comment by Jayne Mills

    Jayne Mills Balas Disember 4, 2016 pada 8:46 pm

    I have flashbacks once I’ve fallen asleep and although once I’m awake I eventually manage to ground myself , I now fear sleep as that is when I tend to have the flashbacks. Can you suggest anything I can do before I go to sleep that might avert the flashbacks ? It’s difficult to control them if I’m asleep when they happen, I find them easier to deal with when Im awake..

  14. Comment by Moe

    Moe Balas Januari 22, 2017 pada 7:01 pada

    Thank you very much for this write up. I’ve learned some pretty good ways of dealing with my flashbacks. I like sitting in the bathroom sometimes and just sitting on the toilet doing nothing. In the dark. It really helps me as the flashback comes and then goes.
    IDKY, something about the cold and being in a small room.

  15. Comment by FrAnk

    FrAnk Balas Mac 25, 2017 pada 5:23 pm

    I have this girl I hate so much..because she neglected me because of her boyfriend I hate her as much as I like herI stopped talk to her for a while and i spoke to her yesterday hope the hatred and angry would leave me me..but I still became more angry I keep having flashbacks and rembering every word I said to her and how weak I sounded..although she apologized for what she did to mebut I felt she wasn’t sorry because she said she’s sorry for what she put me through because I felt saying sorry was right for that particular context or momenti keep trying to imagine ..how better it would feel if I didn’t talk to her yesterday..I feel i opened my self too much to her ..and she knows more about me than I know about her ..at this point I regret meeting her in the first place..am still angry and uncomfortable..she might think everything is cool because she has apologized but I am sure that if I see her I will walk past her and not say a wordbecause right now as I can type this I can still remember the pain she put me through the exact feeling everything..like I am reliving it each passing day..I nev wan think about it but I just sit and get flashbacks about it and the worst is I don’t have control over my totsthe take control of me and rule me ..

  16. Comment by londy

    londy Balas April 15, 2017 pada 5:50 pada

    I think this sounds crazy, I was raped 7 years ago but sometimes I have rape memories (imbasan), it happened long time ago but I still suffer.

  17. Comment by MC

    MC Balas Jun 8, 2017 pada 1:24 pada

    I just experienced an intense flashback that brought me back to a room where something happened and my fear made me over-react I think. It made me very confused. Like it made me feel exactly how I felt that day.
    Terima Kasih. 35 Lelaki

  18. Comment by PJ

    PJ Balas Julai 17, 2017 pada 1:43 pm

    I am in a new relationship with a woman and she was severely abused in ways I couldn’t imagine could happen. It is helpful to hear other people’s story and I can see similarities to her experience.

    Thanks for the tips! I will discuss them with her and see if I can help her when she gets triggered. It also helps me understand somewhat her horrific experiences

  19. Comment by Angie

    Angie Balas Julai 30, 2017 pada 4:03 pada

    I was raped 30 years ago and it still comes back to haunt me. I’ve stared counselling again after 10 years of feeling fine! The biggest thing I have learnt so far after 4 sessions is the power of breathing. Breathe from your abdomen and do it 3 atau 4 times an hour , in through the nose and out through the mouth……. when you do it well it relaxes you, aids sleep, makes the flashbacks less powerful and in my case controls my comfort eatingjust through slow deep breathing! And it’s completely free!

  20. Comment by Sam

    Sam Balas September 15, 2017 pada 8:34 pada

    This was helpful but hard to read all at once for me personally. Although this has warnings the flashbacks triggered it’s my own fault for reading on but I felt like it’s something I needed to read. I have a therapist now and we are slowly making progress but I can’t reveal the full details to her and I won’t be giving too much detail on this but nothing can stop the flash backs, the feeling trapped, takut, feeling as though i am anything from 7-14 years old depending on the flashback, the heavy breathing, feeling crazy then the anger, feeling I am nothing as the words they were one of the main this that was said to me back then. I have I’ve had 14 years of them now I’m 28 and people say it will get better and you hear these stories of people being like they are cured are bullshit to me and I’m sorry but this is how I feel and for me you may be able to learn to deal and cope with them by understanding and accepting them but I understand them and I accept it happened but it still hurts like fuuuuuck and I can’t cope with the severity and volume I have to experience I just wish I could erase my memories from that age so I’d never know it happened and then I could be normal..sorry didn’t plan on saying all this it just kind of came out

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