Saída

Deciding to disclose sexual abuse

Deciding to disclose sexual abuse or sexual assault is a process that takes much time and consideration, particularly for a man. How disclosure of child sexual abuse or sexual assault occurs, and how it is responded to, can significantly influence a man’s future well being. Falando sobre o abuso sexual ou agressão sexual não é uma questão simples. Divulgação de abuso sexual infantil ou agressão sexual é moldado pelo que um homem está sentindo ou pensando, by the culture in which he lives, and by his assessment as to whether he will be believed and supported. Research indicates that men are far less likely than women to tell someone of experiences of childhood sexual abuse, or to report sexual assault as an adult. [1]

Listados abaixo estão algumas informações sobre o que pode ajudar ou atrapalhar a divulgação de abuso sexual ou agressão sexual dos homens. We have also included some questions and points you might want to check out if you are considering telling someone of your experiences. Ter uma leitura, take your time, and decide what is relevant or useful for you.

Se você está querendo apoiar a divulgação de um homem você pode apreciar Divulgação dos homens: Como você pode ajudar.

Barreiras à divulgação

Meninos e homens, como meninas e mulheres, geralmente não falam de abuso sexual infantil ou agressão sexual. Isto é pensado para ser devido a coisas tais como o:

  • Ameaças, either physical or verbal, do abusador.
  • Fear of what the reaction might be — what people will think or do.
  • Confusão, culpa, vergonha, or embarrassment. Por exemplo, acreditando que você era, de alguma forma responsáveis ​​ou cúmplices.
  • A desconfiança dos outros, especialmente se você já tentou dizer no passado e não se acreditava.
  • Sem saber como falar sobre isso, ou não tendo as palavras.
  • Believing people already knew about it, and that they were not concerned.
  • Estar preocupado que, se você contar, you will be told it’s “no big deal.”
  • It feeling too painful to talk about. Fear of losing control, and becoming overwhelmed by emotions. This may then trigger a sense of shame at not coping.
  • Having to explain the circumstances, such as what you were doing there in the first place.
  • O desejo de proteger os outros, para mantê-lo em segredo na esperança de que alguém também não serão prejudicados ou chateado.

Eu estava tão envergonhado que eu não conseguia encontrar as palavras para dizer exatamente o que ele estava fazendo, mas o inferno Eu tentei muitas vezes. Agora eu me pergunto por que eles não acho que alguma coisa estava errada

Men may have even more barriers to deciding to disclose. Men’s ability to speak about sexual violence is further affected by:

Estereótipos dominantes de masculinidade

Commonly held ideas suggesting that boys and men should be strong and able to defend themselves, mesmo contra todas as adversidades. These ideas make it extremely difficult to talk about sexual abuse or assault. Além, the idea that ‘as a man’ you should be able to cope with anything that is thrown at you, and sort stuff out yourself, can leave a man feeling bad about himself if he is struggling. Beliefs like this, represented by saying such as “stand on your own two feet,” “boys don’t cry,” and “man up,” can stop a boy or man from seeking help.

"…abuso sexual a um homem é um abuso contra sua masculinidade também. "

Homofobia e confusão em relação à sexualidade

Fears related to what the abuse means about your sexuality, or how people will perceive it, can inhibit men speaking out about what was done. If a man was sexually assaulted by a man he may be concerned that people will think he is gay, e discriminar contra ele. If he was abused by a woman, he may fear that people will not take his complaints seriously, e acho que ele deve estar bem sobre isso.

Se, at that time of the assault, the man developed an erection or became aroused in some way, isso pode torná-lo ainda mais relutantes em falar sobre abuso sexual. If this is something you have questions about, please check out our page on Agressão sexual masculina ea libido.

If the man is actually gay, he may believe that he has to face even more stigma and blame.

"Se você é gay, you fear that people will think [o abuso sexual] era algo que você queria. "

A preocupação de que um homem vai se tornar um 'autor' de abuso

A frequently unquestioned myth is that, following an experience of sexual abuse, a man is more likely to become an offender. This belief is very disturbing to men. It can stop them from speaking about abuse out of fear of how they will be perceived or treated afterwards. Read more on our page Dirigindo-se à vítima a agressor ciclo.

Falta de apoio visível para os homens

A dearth of awareness and services for men who have experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault stops them from deciding to disclose. They are reluctant to ‘open the can of worms’ without some sense that they will be supported, and that it will result in a positive change.
 


 
A lista acima de barreiras à divulgação não é de forma completa. Todo homem tem sua própria história pessoal para contar.
 

Na cultura ocidental, os homens são ensinados a ser os mais difíceis: eles não estão a chorar, eles deveriam ter as respostas, ser os fornecedores, e acima de tudo, não há problema em mostrar emoção. Quer dizer, em circunstâncias como essa?

O que você adicionar à lista?

Is there something in particular that has kept you from speaking about sexual abuse or sexual assault, or is it a combination of factors?

Coisas que podem incentivar a divulgação

Assim como os homens e meninos podem ser desencorajados a falar de abuso, certain events can lead men to speak of their experiences. Divulgação de abuso sexual pode ser solicitado por:

  • Seeing a film about abuse, or hearing a public discussion about sexual abuse, Por exemplo, Kids Helpline anúncio, or films like ‘Mysterious Skin’.
  • Hearing the disclosure of a friend, parceiro, family member or men’s group member.
  • Vendo a pessoa que cometeu o abuso sexual.
  • Hearing about or visiting the place where the abuse occurred.
  • Tornando-se um pai, ou estar perto de uma criança que completa a idade do homem foi quando o abuso foi perpetrado.
  • When a relationship breaks down, or when a partner insists that for a relationship to survive you must see a counsellor.
  • Quando há inquéritos públicos sobre o abuso ou agressão (e.g. A Comissão Real, Forde Inquiry).
  • If the police contact you seeking evidence for a prosecution.
  • Reliving the assault through flashbacks ou pesadelos.
  • Health problems, or a physical check up (e.g. sugestão de um exame de próstata).
  • Quando um parceiro oferece apoio e compreensão.
  • Quando um homem sente que deve lidar com isso ou morrer!

Mesmo que estes convites para falar pode existir, os homens são muito conscientes de que dizer a alguém sobre uma experiência de abuso sexual não faz problemas vão automaticamente afastado. Ele pode ser útil fazer uma lista de custos e benefícios de dizer a alguém potenciais, tanto a curto e longo prazo. Se o sigilo foi tudo que você conhece, o simples pensamento de contar pode produzir ansiedade e impedi-lo de aceder a cuidados e apoio adequados.

What has prompted you to consider talking about your experiences now?

Como é que agora? What has happened for you recently?

What are the potential costs and benefits for you if you disclose?

What are the costs and benefits to your relationships, tanto a curto e longo prazo?

A dificuldade com o sigilo

Bem, é só guardar um segredo, não deixar ninguém em seu passado. Você é tão assustado, basicamente, do que a sua família pode dizer contra você, ou com medo de reviver o passado, que você não quer levá-la. Tive que aconteceu na parte de trás da minha mente o tempo todo, mas parecia que se eu não dizer nada a ninguém, Bem, um dia eu poderia acabar com eles. E se eu fui para o meu túmulo ninguém jamais saberia o que aconteceu comigo.

Como a citação acima sugere, a particular problem that men who experience child sexual abuse or sexual assault often face is that segurança can become wrapped up with secrecy in unhelpful ways.

Em um ponto, não dizer nada poderia muito bem ter sido uma questão de vida ou morte. You might have been only too aware of the potential consequences of telling.

As time went by, you could have become convinced that saying something would be, or cause, too much trouble. That it wouldn’t change anything, or that you would only face questions regarding why you didn’t say anything before.

Embora o sigilo pode minimizar os danos a curto prazo, pode ter efeitos negativos no longo prazo. O sigilo sobre o abuso sexual pode se tornar isolando. It allows unhelpful voices of self doubt and self blame to take hold of your thoughts and life.

Sigilo pode se tornar como uma prisão, prendendo você por dentro e manter amigos fora. Contudo, try to remember that in a safe relationship there is no need for secrecy. You can speak freely of your concerns and ask for and receive support without fear of consequences.

Escolhendo para dizer de uma forma que prioriza a segurança

Se você está pensando em falar com alguém sobre suas experiências, try to develop a plan that prioritises your sense of safety and wellbeing. Letting someone know of your experiences does not need to be an ‘all or nothing’ thing. You have the choice of what, and how much, information you share. Você decide when and whom to tell. It can be useful to consider the following points.

Qual é o meu propósito de compartilhar essas informações?

  • Quais as informações que eu quero compartilhar?
  • What am I hoping to achieve by sharing it?
  • What values or goals am I meeting by sharing this?

One way of ensuring that you are able to say what you want to say, is to write it down in a letter or journal. Você pode escrever e reescrever uma carta até que ele diz exatamente o que você quer dizer. Keepin mind that there is no right way or wrong way of telling someone about your experiences.

If you do write a letter, you can then choose the time when you want to send it. You might even choose to read it to them, or just to use it as a practice run, to get your thoughts clear, prior to having the conversation.

If you do decide to disclose through writing, that’s just as good. As letras podem ser documentos poderosas: sinalizam este assunto é importante. Some men have also found it useful to write a letter to themselves. A letter of encouragement, or a letter to or from their future self, reminding them what their purpose is in sharing information at this time.

O que você está procurando?

Research tells us that if a man receives a positive, supportive response to a disclosure of childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, it will enhance his overall wellbeing. Unfortunately however, such a response cannot be guaranteed (Washington 1999). In deciding to disclose, and going about sharing your experiences, it can be useful therefore to consider:

  • O que estou procurando com essa pessoa? Que tipo de resposta que eu gostaria?
  • O que me diz que esta pessoa vai ser capaz de ouvir o que estou dizendo?
  • Quais são as minhas preocupações e interesses? What might happen?
  • How would I handle it? How might I take care of myself?
  • Como eu poderia prepará-los para o que estou prestes a dizer?
  • How might I not place too high an expectation on this person?

Ponta: Você pode imprimir uma cópia da página Viver Bem acompanha Lidar com Divulgação para os parceiros, amigos e familiares, and have it on hand. This person might want to respond in helpful ways, but might not know what that would involve.

Esteja preparado para a incerteza

It is useful to remember that when you are talking with someone, it is not possible to determine where the conversation will go. You do not know how they will react, and you cannot plan for every eventuality. Como alguém responde será determinado pela sua própria história, preocupações, valores, crenças e do tipo de relacionamento que eles têm com você.

In talking with someone about experiences of sexual abuse or sexual assault, be careful not to ‘over interpret’ what that person subsequently says or does. Pode levar algum tempo para que alguém pegue no que você lhes disse. Considere tomar o lentamente, tomar algum tempo se necessário, para reunir os seus pensamentos. É provável que a pessoa com quem está falando vai querer tempo para pensar. They may benefit from doing some of their own research, or having someone to talk with who can assist them to understand and learn better how they can help.

Ponta: If you have previously spoken with a counsellor, parceiro ou amigo, você pode pedir-lhes para ajudá-lo. Invite them to be present or be available to talk.

Lembrar

The decision to talk about sexual abuse or sexual assault should be yours. Se você está falando com um parceiro, amigo, um membro da família, médico, police officer or counsellor, you have a choice as to how you respond to a question that is asked of you. Give yourself time to think through what has been said, and to review where to from here. While sexual abuse or sexual assault involves taking away your choice, isso pode ser oportunidade para você experimentar estar no controle e no comando de suas escolhas.

Mais informações

Referências

  1. Holmes, O. C. (1998). O abuso sexual de meninos: Definição, predomínio, correlatos, Seqüelas e Gestão. Journal of the American Medical Association, Vôo. 280, Não 21.
  2. Pinho, N. W., & Meier, R. F. (1999). Diferenças de gênero no relato de estupro. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, 40, 979-987.
  3. Easton, S. D., Saltzman, O. Y., & Willis, D. G. (2013). "Gostaria de vos dizer Sob circunstâncias como isso?": Barreiras à divulgação de Abuso Sexual Infantil para homens. Psicologia dos Homens & Masculinidade. Avance publicação online. dois: 10.1037/a0034223

3 Comentários

  1. Comment by Cl

    Cl Resposta Julho 27, 2016 em 11:37 pm

    Recently my husband of 5 yrs and i got into a very heated argument about him not feeling adequate in bed for me. this argument went on and off about 3 dias.

    his argument was about my sex toy that i received as a gift about 2 anos atrás; he claimed i didn’t feel satisfied enough with him and that’s why i had it. that it was bigger than him and he felt like as if i had brought another man into our relationship.

    i told him multiple times that was not the case and that he had nothing to worry about, and then i walked in on him in the bathroom and my toy was in there with him. he claimed that he wanted to confirm that he was not smaller than the toy. i brushed it off but two days later i brought it up in a joking manner, and the argument started again. it got so bad i accused him of being a homosexual.. and then after 30 min of more shaming towards him on my part, he yelled out he had been sexually abused as a child when he was 5.

    i was sexually abused as a child as well, and he told me he felt like i would understand but i was being selfish and not seeing things from his point of view.

    after both of us breaking down we apologized to each other for saying such hurtful things, and talked about it. he went into detail with me about the abuse, and i went into detail with him about mine. we came to the conclusion that the abuse we both experienced affected both of us completely. our whole life is basically based on the abuse we had as children. but now even though i’m glad we were able to talk it out, as if a pandora box has been opened, his light in his eyes had dimmed. i feel like this will affect our relationship more, because i know he feels ashamed and very angry.

    i love him and hate to see him feel this way. i need some advice on how we can cope and move on from this, without letting it become a bigger issue, or making him feel like i don’t care.

  2. Comment by Cl

    Cl Resposta Julho 27, 2016 em 11:40 pm

    We both have had counseling but we both feel like it did not help

    • Comment by Jess [Viver Bem Staff]

      Jess [Viver Bem Staff] Resposta Julho 28, 2016 em 2:28 pm

      Hi Cl,

      Thanks for getting in touch with us here at Living Well to share your story, and to seek some support through this difficult time. That takes bravery and I want to commend you for taking these steps. It shows that you certainly do care.

      It sounds as though you and your husband had a terrible fight, or series of fights, and that it was really hurtful for both of you. There were misunderstandings and regretful thingssaid on both sidesthat were clearly motivated by pain and a desire to be understood. I’m so glad you’ve managed to heal the breach that was created, and it sounds like it has brought you closer, and to a deeper understanding of each other. Even though the arguing was awful, when these breaches are healed there is a lot of evidence that the whole experience does improve intimacy, communication and relationship health.

      It is possible that a bit more time will be needed for you both to process it allthere is a lot to take in. The most important thing is that, with Pandora’s box opened, there is hope. You are now able to fully support each other through this. The fact that you are here shows that you are willingand our experience is that this is one of the most important factors for a couple to work through these issues. Being present with each other, trying to be supportive, trying to take the other person’s perspective, and keeping an open mind are the best ways you can help each other.

      Please know that childhood sexual abuse in itself does not mean you are doomed to lives of horrible suffering, or even that it is the centre of all life’s problems. It’s important to recognise that anyone who has experienced trauma of this kind has the capacity to lead a full and rewarding life. Try not to fall into the trap of making experiences of sexual abuse the explanation for everything that has gone or does go wrong. Depois de uma experiência de abuso sexual, não é incomum para a vida das pessoas para tornar-se intimamente ligado com os problemas relacionados a essa experiência. Contudo, seeing ‘the person as the problemand all of their current difficulties as a result of sexual abuse can be counter-productive. Try to consider any issues in the present moment. What is the problem now? What might help now?

      I’m sorry to hear counselling so far has been unhelpful for you both, but please don’t give up. There are professionals out there with a deep understanding of the effects of these traumatic experiences. As it looks like you’re in the US, our partners at 1in6.org may be able to point you in the right direction.

      Caso contrário, some information that may be helpful for you and your husband to read includes:
      Dealing with sexual violence
      When your partner discloses sexual abuse
      Common relationship challenges following sexual abuse

      Finalmente, if you or your husband have any questions regarding his sexuality, our page on Agressão sexual e excitação can be a bit confronting but does hopefully answer some of these. It is not uncommon for men to question their sexuality following sexual abuse or assault, as these unwanted experiences can be very confusing, especially for a child.

      I hope that helps Cl. Please take care. Best of luck to you both.

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