बाहर जाएं

Deciding to disclose sexual abuse

Deciding to disclose sexual abuse or sexual assault is a process that takes much time and consideration, particularly for a man. How disclosure of child sexual abuse or sexual assault occurs, and how it is responded to, can significantly influence a man’s future well being. यौन शोषण या यौन उत्पीड़न के बारे में बात करने का कोई साधारण मामला है. बचपन यौन शोषण या यौन उत्पीड़न का प्रकटीकरण एक आदमी महसूस कर रहा है या क्या सोच रही है के आकार का है, by the culture in which he lives, and by his assessment as to whether he will be believed and supported. Research indicates that men are far less likely than women to tell someone of experiences of childhood sexual abuse, or to report sexual assault as an adult. [1]

यौन शोषण या यौन उत्पीड़न के पुरुषों के प्रकटीकरण मदद या बाधा कर सकते हैं पर कुछ जानकारी है नीचे सूचीबद्ध. We have also included some questions and points you might want to check out if you are considering telling someone of your experiences. एक पढ़ा है, take your time, and decide what is relevant or useful for you.

आप एक आदमी के प्रकटीकरण का समर्थन करना चाहते हैं, तो आप की सराहना करते हैं सकता है पुरुषों प्रकटीकरण: आप कैसे मदद कर सकते हैं.

प्रकटीकरण के लिए बाधाओं

लड़कों और पुरुषों, लड़कियों और महिलाओं की तरह, आमतौर पर बचपन यौन शोषण या यौन उत्पीड़न की बात नहीं करते. इस तरह के रूप में चीजों की वजह से माना जाता है:

  • धमकी, either physical or verbal, abuser से.
  • Fear of what the reaction might be — what people will think or do.
  • भ्रम, अपराध, शर्म की बात है, or embarrassment. उदाहरण के लिये, आप जिम्मेदार या complicit के कुछ रास्ते में थे कि विश्वास.
  • दूसरों के अविश्वास, आप अतीत में बताने की कोशिश की है और माना नहीं गया है, खासकर अगर.
  • इस बारे में बात करने के लिए कैसे जानने नहीं, या शब्द नहीं होने.
  • Believing people already knew about it, and that they were not concerned.
  • चिंतित होने के नाते आपको बताऊँ कि अगर, you will be told it’s “no big deal.”
  • इस बारे में बात करने के लिए बहुत दर्दनाक महसूस. Fear of losing control, and becoming overwhelmed by emotions. This may then trigger a sense of shame at not coping.
  • Having to explain the circumstances, such as what you were doing there in the first place.
  • एक दूसरों की रक्षा करना चाहते हैं, किसी और को भी नुकसान पहुंचाया या परेशान नहीं किया जाएगा उम्मीद है कि यह एक गुप्त रखने के लिए.

मैं मैं शब्दों से वह कर रहा था कि क्या वास्तव में कहने के लिए नहीं मिल सकता है कि इतना शर्मिंदा था, लेकिन आखिर मैं अक्सर काफी कोशिश की. अब मुझे लगता है कि वे कुछ गलत था नहीं था पता नहीं क्यों

Men may have even more barriers to deciding to disclose. Men’s ability to speak about sexual violence is further affected by:

पुरुषत्व की प्रमुख लकीर के फकीर

Commonly held ideas suggesting that boys and men should be strong and able to defend themselves, यहां तक ​​कि भारी बाधाओं के खिलाफ. These ideas make it extremely difficult to talk about sexual abuse or assault. इसके अलावा, the idea that ‘as a man’ you should be able to cope with anything that is thrown at you, and sort stuff out yourself, can leave a man feeling bad about himself if he is struggling. Beliefs like this, represented by saying such as “stand on your own two feet,” “boys don’t cry,” and “man up,” can stop a boy or man from seeking help.

"…एक आदमी को यौन शोषण के रूप में अच्छी तरह से उसकी मर्दानगी के खिलाफ एक दुरुपयोग है. "

Homophobia और कामुकता के बारे में भ्रम की स्थिति

Fears related to what the abuse means about your sexuality, or how people will perceive it, can inhibit men speaking out about what was done. If a man was sexually assaulted by a man he may be concerned that people will think he is gay, और उनके खिलाफ भेदभाव. If he was abused by a woman, he may fear that people will not take his complaints seriously, और वह इसके बारे में ठीक किया जाना चाहिए लगता है.

अगर, at that time of the assault, the man developed an erection or became aroused in some way, यह उससे भी अधिक अनिच्छुक यौन शोषण के बारे में बात करने के लिए कर सकते हैं. If this is something you have questions about, please check out our page on Male sexual assault and arousal.

If the man is actually gay, he may believe that he has to face even more stigma and blame.

"अगर आप समलैंगिक कर रहे हैं, you fear that people will think [यौन शोषण] तुम चाहते थे कुछ था. "

एक आदमी के दुरुपयोग के एक 'अपराधी' बन जाएगा चिंताएं

एक frequently unquestioned myth is that, following an experience of sexual abuse, a man is more likely to become an offender. This belief is very disturbing to men. It can stop them from speaking about abuse out of fear of how they will be perceived or treated afterwards. Read more on our page अपराधी चक्र के लिए शिकार को संबोधित.

पुरुषों के लिए दिखाई समर्थन का अभाव

A dearth of awareness and services for men who have experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault stops them from deciding to disclose. They are reluctant to ‘open the can of worms’ without some sense that they will be supported, and that it will result in a positive change.
 


 
प्रकटीकरण के लिए बाधाओं के ऊपर सूची में किसी भी तरह से पूरा हो गया है. हर आदमी को बताने के लिए अपने स्वयं के व्यक्तिगत कहानी है.
 

पश्चिमी संस्कृति में, पुरुषों कठिन लोगों को हो सिखाया जाता है: वे रोने के लिए नहीं कर रहे हैं, वे जवाब है चाहिए रहे हैं, प्रदाताओं हो, और सब से ऊपर यह भावना दिखाने के लिए ठीक नहीं है. तुम इस तरह की परिस्थितियों में बताना होगा?

आप सूची के लिए क्या जोड़ना होगा?

Is there something in particular that has kept you from speaking about sexual abuse or sexual assault, or is it a combination of factors?

Things that may encourage disclosure

पुरुषों और लड़कों के दुरुपयोग की बात से हतोत्साहित किया जा सकता है बस के रूप में, certain events can lead men to speak of their experiences. यौन शोषण के खुलासे से प्रेरित किया जा सकता है:

  • Seeing a film about abuse, or hearing a public discussion about sexual abuse, उदाहरण के लिये, एक बच्चे हेल्पलाइन विज्ञापन, or films like ‘Mysterious Skin’.
  • Hearing the disclosure of a friend, साथी, family member or men’s group member.
  • यौन शोषण को बढ़ावा व्यक्ति जो देखकर.
  • Hearing about or visiting the place where the abuse occurred.
  • एक माता पिता बनना, या दुरुपयोग बढ़ावा दिया जब आदमी था उम्र बदल जाता है जो एक बच्चे को बंद किया जा रहा.
  • When a relationship breaks down, or when a partner insists that for a relationship to survive you must see a counsellor.
  • दुरुपयोग या हमले में सार्वजनिक पूछताछ कर रहे हैं जब (e.g. The Royal Commission, फोर्ड जांच).
  • If the police contact you seeking evidence for a prosecution.
  • Reliving the assault through फ्लैशबैक या बुरे सपने.
  • Health problems, or a physical check up (e.g. एक प्रोस्टेट परीक्षा के सुझाव).
  • एक साथी के सहयोग और समझ प्रदान करता है.
  • एक आदमी को वह उसके साथ सौदा या मरना होगा लगता है!

बात करने के लिए इन निमंत्रण मौजूद हो सकता है भले ही, पुरुषों के यौन शोषण के अनुभव के बारे में किसी को बता रही समस्याओं को स्वत: ही दूर जाने के लिए यह नहीं है कि केवल भी जानते हैं. यह संभावित लागत और किसी को बताने की लाभ की एक सूची बनाने के लिए उपयोगी हो सकता है, दोनों छोटी और लंबी अवधि में. गोपनीयता सब किया गया है, तो आप जानते हैं, कह के मात्र सोचा चिंता का उत्पादन और उचित देखभाल और सहायता पहुँचने से रोक सकता.

What has prompted you to consider talking about your experiences now?

अब कैसे आया? What has happened for you recently?

What are the potential costs and benefits for you if you disclose?

What are the costs and benefits to your relationships, छोटी और लंबी अवधि दोनों में?

गोपनीयता के साथ एक कठिनाई

अच्छी तरह से, यह सिर्फ एक गुप्त रख रहा है, अपने अतीत में किसी को नहीं दे रहा. आप तो आप अपने परिवार के खिलाफ क्या कह सकता है की मूल रूप से डर रहे हैं, या अतीत पुनः जीने का डर, आप इसे लाने के लिए नहीं चाहते हैं कि. मैं अपने मन की पीठ में समय की सब क्या हुआ था, मैं किसी से कुछ नहीं कहते हैं लेकिन ऐसा महसूस किया, अच्छी तरह से एक दिन मैं सिर्फ यह खत्म हो सकता है. और मैं अपनी कब्र के पास गया और अगर कोई भी कभी भी मेरे साथ हुआ क्या पता होगा.

ऊपर बोली पता चलता है, a particular problem that men who experience child sexual abuse or sexual assault often face is that सुरक्षा can become wrapped up with secrecy in unhelpful ways.

एक बिंदु पर, कुछ भी कह नहीं बहुत अच्छी तरह से जीवन और मृत्यु का मामला हो सकता था. You might have been only too aware of the potential consequences of telling.

As time went by, you could have become convinced that saying something would be, or cause, too much trouble. That it wouldn’t change anything, or that you would only face questions regarding why you didn’t say anything before.

गोपनीयता अल्पावधि में नुकसान को कम कर सकता है, यह लंबी अवधि में नकारात्मक प्रभाव हो सकता है. यौन शोषण के बारे में गोपनीयता को अलग बन सकता है. It allows unhelpful voices of self doubt and self blame to take hold of your thoughts and life.

सीक्रेसी एक जेल की तरह हो सकता है, अंदर आप फँसाने और बाहर मित्रों को ध्यान में रखते हुए. तथापि, try to remember that in a safe relationship there is no need for secrecy. You can speak freely of your concerns and ask for and receive support without fear of consequences.

सुरक्षा प्राथमिकता है कि एक तरह से बताने के लिए चयन

आप अपने अनुभवों के बारे में किसी के साथ बात करने पर विचार कर रहे हैं, try to develop a plan that prioritises your sense of safety and wellbeing. Letting someone know of your experiences does not need to be an ‘all or nothing’ thing. You have the choice of what, and how much, information you share. आप decide when and whom to tell. It can be useful to consider the following points.

इस जानकारी को साझा करने में मेरा क्या उद्देश्य है?

  • मुझे क्या जानकारी साझा करना चाहते हैं?
  • What am I hoping to achieve by sharing it?
  • What values or goals am I meeting by sharing this?

One way of ensuring that you are able to say what you want to say, is to write it down in a letter or journal. यह आप यह कहना चाहते हैं कि वास्तव में क्या कहते हैं, जब तक आप एक पत्र लिखने के लिए और फिर से लिखना कर सकते हैं. Keepin mind that there is no right way or wrong way of telling someone about your experiences.

If you do write a letter, you can then choose the time when you want to send it. You might even choose to read it to them, or just to use it as a practice run, to get your thoughts clear, prior to having the conversation.

If you do decide to disclose through writing, that’s just as good. पत्र शक्तिशाली दस्तावेजों किया जा सकता है: वे इस बात महत्वपूर्ण है संकेत. Some men have also found it useful to write a letter to themselves. A letter of encouragement, or a letter to or from their future self, reminding them what their purpose is in sharing information at this time.

आप क्या ढूंढ़ रहे हैं?

Research tells us that if a man receives a positive, supportive response to a disclosure of childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, it will enhance his overall wellbeing. Unfortunately however, such a response cannot be guaranteed (वाशिंगटन 1999). In deciding to disclose, and going about sharing your experiences, it can be useful therefore to consider:

  • मैं इस व्यक्ति से लिए क्या देख रहा हूँ? प्रतिक्रिया किस तरह मैं चाहूँगा?
  • क्या इस व्यक्ति को मैं क्या कह रहा हूँ सुनने के लिए सक्षम हो जाएगा मुझसे कहता है कि?
  • मेरी चिंता और चिंताएं क्या हैं? What might happen?
  • How would I handle it? How might I take care of myself?
  • कैसे मैं मैं के बारे में कहने के लिए क्या कर रहा हूँ के लिए तैयार हो सकता है?
  • How might I not place too high an expectation on this person?

टिप: आप साथ रहने खैर पृष्ठ की एक प्रतिलिपि मुद्रित सकता है प्रकटीकरण के साथ लेनदेन भागीदारों के लिए, मित्रों और परिवार, and have it on hand. This person might want to respond in helpful ways, but might not know what that would involve.

अनिश्चितता के लिए तैयार रहें

It is useful to remember that when you are talking with someone, it is not possible to determine where the conversation will go. You do not know how they will react, and you cannot plan for every eventuality. किसी को जवाब, कैसे अपने स्वयं के इतिहास द्वारा निर्धारित किया जाएगा, चिंताओं, मानों, विश्वासों और रिश्ते की तरह वे तुम्हारे साथ है.

In talking with someone about experiences of sexual abuse or sexual assault, be careful not to ‘over interpret’ what that person subsequently says or does. किसी को आप उन्हें बता दिया है कि क्या में लेने के लिए कुछ समय लग सकता है. धीरे धीरे इसे लेने पर विचार, अपने विचारों को इकट्ठा करने के लिए यदि आवश्यक हो तो बाहर कुछ समय ले रही है. यह संभावना है कि आप के साथ बात कर रहे व्यक्ति समय सोचने के लिए चाहते हो जाएगा है. They may benefit from doing some of their own research, or having someone to talk with who can assist them to understand and learn better how they can help.

टिप: If you have previously spoken with a counsellor, साथी या दोस्त, आप आप की सहायता के लिए उन्हें पूछ सकते हैं. Invite them to be present or be available to talk.

याद

The decision to talk about sexual abuse or sexual assault should be yours. आप एक साथी के साथ बात कर रहे हैं या नहीं, दोस्त, परिवार सदस्य, चिकित्सक, police officer or counsellor, you have a choice as to how you respond to a question that is asked of you. Give yourself time to think through what has been said, and to review where to from here. While sexual abuse or sexual assault involves taking away your choice, आप नियंत्रण में है और अपने विकल्पों के आरोप में होने का अनुभव करने के लिए इस अवसर हो सकता है.

अधिक जानकारी

सन्दर्भ

  1. होम्स, में. सी. (1998). लड़कों का यौन शोषण: परिभाषा, प्रसार, संबद्ध, Sequelae और प्रबंधन. अमेरिकन मेडिकल एसोसिएशन के जर्नल, उड़ान. 280, नहीं 21.
  2. चीड़, एन. डब्ल्यू, & मायर, आर. एफ. (1999). बलात्कार की रिपोर्टिंग में लिंग भेद. लिंग भूमिकाओं: अनुसंधान के एक जर्नल, 40, 979-987.
  3. ईस्टन, एस. डी., Saltzman, L. वाई, & विलिस, डी. जी. (2013). "तुम इस तरह की परिस्थितियों में बताना होगा?": पुरुषों के लिए बाल यौन शोषण का खुलासा करने के लिए बाधाओं. पुरुषों के मनोविज्ञान & पौरूष. ऑनलाइन प्रकाशन अग्रिम. दो: 10.1037/a0034223

3 comments

  1. Comment by Cl

    Cl उत्तर जुलाई 27, 2016 पर 11:37 बजे

    Recently my husband of 5 yrs and i got into a very heated argument about him not feeling adequate in bed for me. this argument went on and off about 3 दिन.

    his argument was about my sex toy that i received as a gift about 2 साल पहले; he claimed i didn’t feel satisfied enough with him and that’s why i had it. that it was bigger than him and he felt like as if i had brought another man into our relationship.

    i told him multiple times that was not the case and that he had nothing to worry about, and then i walked in on him in the bathroom and my toy was in there with him. he claimed that he wanted to confirm that he was not smaller than the toy. i brushed it off but two days later i brought it up in a joking manner, and the argument started again. it got so bad i accused him of being a homosexual.. and then after 30 min of more shaming towards him on my part, he yelled out he had been sexually abused as a child when he was 5.

    i was sexually abused as a child as well, and he told me he felt like i would understand but i was being selfish and not seeing things from his point of view.

    after both of us breaking down we apologized to each other for saying such hurtful things, and talked about it. he went into detail with me about the abuse, and i went into detail with him about mine. we came to the conclusion that the abuse we both experienced affected both of us completely. our whole life is basically based on the abuse we had as children. but now even though i’m glad we were able to talk it out, as if a pandora box has been opened, his light in his eyes had dimmed. i feel like this will affect our relationship more, because i know he feels ashamed and very angry.

    i love him and hate to see him feel this way. i need some advice on how we can cope and move on from this, without letting it become a bigger issue, or making him feel like i don’t care.

  2. Comment by Cl

    Cl उत्तर जुलाई 27, 2016 पर 11:40 बजे

    We both have had counseling but we both feel like it did not help

    • Comment by Jess [लिविंग खैर स्टाफ]

      फुंदना [लिविंग खैर स्टाफ] उत्तर जुलाई 28, 2016 पर 2:28 बजे

      Hi Cl,

      Thanks for getting in touch with us here at Living Well to share your story, and to seek some support through this difficult time. That takes bravery and I want to commend you for taking these steps. It shows that you certainly do care.

      It sounds as though you and your husband had a terrible fight, or series of fights, and that it was really hurtful for both of you. There were misunderstandings and regretful thingssaid on both sidesthat were clearly motivated by pain and a desire to be understood. I’m so glad you’ve managed to heal the breach that was created, and it sounds like it has brought you closer, and to a deeper understanding of each other. Even though the arguing was awful, when these breaches are healed there is a lot of evidence that the whole experience does improve intimacy, communication and relationship health.

      It is possible that a bit more time will be needed for you both to process it allthere is a lot to take in. The most important thing is that, with Pandora’s box opened, there is hope. You are now able to fully support each other through this. The fact that you are here shows that you are willingand our experience is that this is one of the most important factors for a couple to work through these issues. Being present with each other, trying to be supportive, trying to take the other person’s perspective, and keeping an open mind are the best ways you can help each other.

      Please know that childhood sexual abuse in itself does not mean you are doomed to lives of horrible suffering, or even that it is the centre of all life’s problems. It’s important to recognise that anyone who has experienced trauma of this kind has the capacity to lead a full and rewarding life. Try not to fall into the trap of making experiences of sexual abuse the explanation for everything that has gone or does go wrong. Following an experience of sexual abuse, लोगों के जीवन को निकट से उस अनुभव से संबंधित समस्याओं के साथ जुड़ा हुआ बनने के लिए यह असामान्य नहीं है. तथापि, seeing ‘the person as the problemand all of their current difficulties as a result of sexual abuse can be counter-productive. Try to consider any issues in the present moment. What is the problem now? What might help now?

      I’m sorry to hear counselling so far has been unhelpful for you both, but please don’t give up. There are professionals out there with a deep understanding of the effects of these traumatic experiences. As it looks like you’re in the US, our partners at 1in6.org may be able to point you in the right direction.

      अन्यथा, some information that may be helpful for you and your husband to read includes:
      Dealing with sexual violence
      When your partner discloses sexual abuse
      Common relationship challenges following sexual abuse

      अंत में, if you or your husband have any questions regarding his sexuality, our page on यौन उत्पीड़न और arousal can be a bit confronting but does hopefully answer some of these. It is not uncommon for men to question their sexuality following sexual abuse or assault, as these unwanted experiences can be very confusing, especially for a child.

      I hope that helps Cl. Please take care. Best of luck to you both.

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