Ausgang

Deciding to disclose sexual abuse

Deciding to disclose sexual abuse or sexual assault is a process that takes much time and consideration, particularly for a man. How disclosure of child sexual abuse or sexual assault occurs, and how it is responded to, can significantly influence a man’s future well being. Gespräch über sexuellen Missbrauch oder sexuelle Gewalt ist keine einfache Sache. Offenlegung von sexuellem Missbrauch oder sexuellen Übergriffen durch das, was ein Mensch fühlt oder denkt förmigen, by the culture in which he lives, and by his assessment as to whether he will be believed and supported. Research indicates that men are far less likely than women to tell someone of experiences of childhood sexual abuse, or to report sexual assault as an adult. [1]

Nachfolgend finden Sie einige Informationen darüber, was kann helfen oder behindern Männer Offenlegung von sexuellem Missbrauch oder sexuelle Übergriffe. We have also included some questions and points you might want to check out if you are considering telling someone of your experiences. Haben Sie einen read, take your time, and decide what is relevant or useful for you.

Wenn Sie wollen, um die Offenlegung eines Mannes unterstützen Sie zu schätzen wissen Männer Offenlegung: Wie Sie helfen können.

Barrieren zur Offenlegung

Jungen und Männer, wie Mädchen und Frauen, häufig nicht in der Kindheit sexuellen Missbrauch oder sexuelle Gewalt sprechen. Dies wird vermutlich durch Dinge wie sein:

  • Bedrohungen, either physical or verbal, vom Täter.
  • Fear of what the reaction might be — what people will think or do.
  • Confusion, Schuld, Schande, or embarrassment. Beispielsweise, glauben, dass Sie in irgendeiner Weise verantwortlich oder mitschuldig waren.
  • Misstrauen gegenüber anderen, vor allem, wenn Sie versucht haben, in der Vergangenheit zu erzählen und wurden nicht angenommen,.
  • Nicht zu wissen, wie man darüber reden, oder die Worte nicht mit.
  • Believing people already knew about it, and that they were not concerned.
  • Ist besorgt, dass, wenn Sie sagen,, Sie wird gesagt, es ist "keine große Sache."
  • Es fühlt zu schmerzhaft, darüber zu sprechen. Fear of losing control, and becoming overwhelmed by emotions. This may then trigger a sense of shame at not coping.
  • Having to explain the circumstances, such as what you were doing there in the first place.
  • Ein Wunsch, anderen zu schützen, um es geheim halten, in der Hoffnung, dass jemand anderes wird auch nicht geschädigt oder gestört werden.

Ich war so peinlich, dass ich nicht finden konnte die Worte zu sagen, genau das, was er tat, war, aber die Hölle Ich versuchte oft genug. Jetzt frage ich mich, warum sie nicht erraten, dass etwas falsch war

Men may have even more barriers to deciding to disclose. Men’s ability to speak about sexual violence is further affected by:

Dominant Stereotypen von Männlichkeit

Commonly held ideas suggesting that boys and men should be strong and able to defend themselves, auch gegen eine Übermacht. These ideas make it extremely difficult to talk about sexual abuse or assault. Außerdem, the idea that ‘as a man’ you should be able to cope with anything that is thrown at you, and sort stuff out yourself, can leave a man feeling bad about himself if he is struggling. Beliefs like this, represented by saying such as “stand on your own two feet,” “boys don’t cry,” and “man up,” can stop a boy or man from seeking help.

"…sexuellen Missbrauchs zu einem Mann ist ein Missbrauch gegen seine Männlichkeit als auch. "

Homophobie und Verwirrung in Bezug auf Sexualität

Fears related to what the abuse means about your sexuality, or how people will perceive it, can inhibit men speaking out about what was done. If a man was sexually assaulted by a man he may be concerned that people will think he is gay, und gegen ihn zu diskriminieren. If he was abused by a woman, he may fear that people will not take his complaints seriously, und denke, er sollte okay sein darüber.

Wenn, at that time of the assault, the man developed an erection or became aroused in some way, dies kann ihn noch mehr zögern, über sexuellen Missbrauch zu sprechen. If this is something you have questions about, please check out our page on Männliche sexuelle Übergriffe und Erregung.

If the man is actually gay, kann er glauben, dass er noch mehr Schande und Schuld gegen.

"Wenn Sie Homosexuell sind, Sie befürchten, dass die Leute denken, [der sexuelle Missbrauch] war etwas, was Sie wollten. "

Bedenken, dass ein Mann ein "Täter" von Missbrauch geworden

A frequently unquestioned myth is that, following an experience of sexual abuse, a man is more likely to become an offender. This belief is very disturbing to men. It can stop them from speaking about abuse out of fear of how they will be perceived or treated afterwards. Read more on our page Adressierung der Opfer Täter-Zyklus.

Fehlende sichtbare Unterstützung für Männer

A dearth of awareness and services for men who have experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault stops them from deciding to disclose. They are reluctant to ‘open the can of worms’ without some sense that they will be supported, and that it will result in a positive change.
 


 
Die oben aufgeführte Liste von Hindernissen für die Offenlegung ist keineswegs abgeschlossen. Jeder Mensch hat seine eigene persönliche Geschichte zu erzählen.
 

In der westlichen Kultur, Männer lernen, die harten diejenigen sein: sie sind nicht zu weinen, sie sollen die Antworten haben, sein die Anbieter, und vor allem, es ist nicht okay, Emotionen zeigen. Möchten Sie, dass unter Umständen, wie zu sagen?

Was würden Sie zu der Liste hinzufügen?

Is there something in particular that has kept you from speaking about sexual abuse or sexual assault, or is it a combination of factors?

Dinge, die Offenlegung zu fördern kann

So wie Männer und Jungen aus spricht von Missbrauch entmutigen, certain events can lead men to speak of their experiences. Offenlegung von sexuellem Missbrauch durch aufgefordert werden:

  • Seeing a film about abuse, or hearing a public discussion about sexual abuse, Beispielsweise, ein Kinder-Helpline Werbung, or films like ‘Mysterious Skin’.
  • Hearing the disclosure of a friend, Partner, family member or men’s group member.
  • Sehen Sie die Person, die den sexuellen Missbrauch begangen.
  • Hearing about or visiting the place where the abuse occurred.
  • Werden ein Elternteil, oder die Nähe zu einem Kind, das das Alter der Mann war, wenn der Missbrauch verübt wurde verwandelt.
  • When a relationship breaks down, or when a partner insists that for a relationship to survive you must see a counsellor.
  • Wann gibt es öffentliche Anfragen zu Missbrauch oder Körperverletzung (e.g. Die Royal Commission, Forde Anfrage).
  • If the police contact you seeking evidence for a prosecution.
  • Reliving the assault through Rückblenden oder Alpträume.
  • Health problems, or a physical check up (e.g. Vorschlag einer Prostata-Untersuchung).
  • Wenn ein Partner bietet Unterstützung und Verständnis.
  • Wenn ein Mensch fühlt, muss er damit umgehen oder sterben!

Auch wenn diese Einladungen zu sprechen existieren können, Männer sind nur zu bewusst, dass jemand sagen, über eine Erfahrung von sexuellem Missbrauch nicht machen Probleme automatisch weggehen. Es kann sinnvoll sein, eine Liste der potenziellen Kosten und Nutzen von jemand sagen, machen, sowohl in der kurz-und langfristig. Wenn Geheimhaltung wurde alles Sie wissen müssen, der bloße Gedanke an Erzählen kann Angst erzeugen und beenden Sie den Zugriff auf entsprechende Betreuung und Unterstützung.

What has prompted you to consider talking about your experiences now?

Wie kommt es nun? What has happened for you recently?

What are the potential costs and benefits for you if you disclose?

What are the costs and benefits to your relationships, sowohl in der kurz-und langfristig?

Eine Schwierigkeit bei Geheimhaltung

Nun, es ist nur ein Geheimnis, nicht lassen niemanden in die Vergangenheit. Sie sind also im Grunde, was Ihre Familie könnte gegen Sie sagen erschrocken, oder Wiedererleben der Vergangenheit Angst, dass Sie nicht wollen, um es zu bringen. Ich hatte, was passiert ist in den Hinterkopf die ganze Zeit, aber es fühlte sich an wie wenn ich nichts sage niemandem, auch ich eines Tages vielleicht nur am Ende es. Und wenn ich in mein Grab ging niemand würde je erfahren, was mir passiert ist.

Wie das obige Zitat schlägt, a particular problem that men who experience child sexual abuse or sexual assault often face is that Sicherheit can become wrapped up with secrecy in unhelpful ways.

An einem Punkt, nicht etwas zu sagen hätte sehr wohl auch eine Frage von Leben und Tod haben. You might have been only too aware of the potential consequences of telling.

As time went by, you could have become convinced that saying something would be, or cause, too much trouble. That it wouldn’t change anything, or that you would only face questions regarding why you didn’t say anything before.

Obwohl Geheimhaltung könnte minimieren Schaden auf kurze Sicht, es kann negative Auswirkungen auf lange Sicht. Geheimhaltung über sexuellen Missbrauch kann zu isolieren. It allows unhelpful voices of self doubt and self blame to take hold of your thoughts and life.

Geheimhaltung kann wie ein Gefängnis geworden, Fangen Sie innen und halten Freunde heraus. Jedoch, try to remember that in a safe relationship there is no need for secrecy. You can speak freely of your concerns and ask for and receive support without fear of consequences.

Die Entscheidung, in einer Weise, die Sicherheit priorisiert sagen

Wenn Sie erwägen, sprechen mit jemandem über Ihre Erfahrungen, try to develop a plan that prioritises your sense of safety and wellbeing. Letting someone know of your experiences does not need to be an ‘all or nothing’ thing. You have the choice of what, and how much, information you share. Sie decide when and whom to tell. It can be useful to consider the following points.

Was ist mein Ziel in der Weitergabe dieser Informationen?

  • Welche Informationen will ich teilen?
  • What am I hoping to achieve by sharing it?
  • What values or goals am I meeting by sharing this?

One way of ensuring that you are able to say what you want to say, is to write it down in a letter or journal. Sie können schreiben, und schreiben einen Brief, bis er sagt genau das, was Sie sagen wollen. Keepin mind that there is no right way or wrong way of telling someone about your experiences.

If you do write a letter, you can then choose the time when you want to send it. You might even choose to read it to them, or just to use it as a practice run, to get your thoughts clear, prior to having the conversation.

If you do decide to disclose through writing, that’s just as good. Briefe können leistungsstarke Dokumenten sein: sie signalisieren diese Angelegenheit ist wichtig. Some men have also found it useful to write a letter to themselves. A letter of encouragement, or a letter to or from their future self, reminding them what their purpose is in sharing information at this time.

Was suchen Sie?

Research tells us that if a man receives a positive, supportive response to a disclosure of childhood sexual abuse or sexual assault, it will enhance his overall wellbeing. Unfortunately however, such a response cannot be guaranteed (Washington 1999). In deciding to disclose, and going about sharing your experiences, it can be useful therefore to consider:

  • Was suche ich von dieser Person? Welche Art von Reaktion würde Ich mag?
  • Was sagt mir, dass diese Person in der Lage sein zu hören, was ich sage,?
  • Was sind meine Sorgen und Bedenken? What might happen?
  • How would I handle it? How might I take care of myself?
  • Wie könnte ich bereiten sie für das, was ich jetzt sagen?
  • How might I not place too high an expectation on this person?

Tipp: Sie könnten drucken Sie eine Kopie der zugehörigen Living Well Seite Der Umgang mit Disclosure für Partner, Freunde und Familien, and have it on hand. This person might want to respond in helpful ways, but might not know what that would involve.

Für Unsicherheit vorbereitet

It is useful to remember that when you are talking with someone, it is not possible to determine where the conversation will go. You do not know how they will react, and you cannot plan for every eventuality. Wie jemand reagiert werden durch ihre eigene Geschichte bestimmt werden, Bedenken, Werte, Überzeugungen und die Art der Beziehung, die sie mit Ihnen.

In talking with someone about experiences of sexual abuse or sexual assault, be careful not to ‘over interpret’ what that person subsequently says or does. Es kann einige Zeit dauern, für jemanden, was Sie haben ihnen gesagt, zu ergreifen, um. Erwägen Sie es langsam, etwas Zeit nehmen, wenn notwendig, um Ihre Gedanken zu sammeln. Es ist wahrscheinlich die Person, die Sie mit sprechen wollen Zeit zum Nachdenken. They may benefit from doing some of their own research, or having someone to talk with who can assist them to understand and learn better how they can help.

Tipp: Wenn Sie zuvor mit einem Berater gesprochen haben, Partner oder Freund, Sie könnten fragen, um Ihnen zu helfen. Invite them to be present or be available to talk.

Merken

The decision to talk about sexual abuse or sexual assault should be yours. Egal, ob Sie mit einem Partner sprechen, Freund, Familienmitglied, Arzt, police officer or counsellor, you have a choice as to how you respond to a question that is asked of you. Give yourself time to think through what has been said, and to review where to from here. While sexual abuse or sexual assault involves taking away your choice, kann dies Gelegenheit für Sie zu erfahren, die Kontrolle und die Verantwortung für Ihre Entscheidungen.

Weitere Informationen

Referenzen

  1. Holmes, Die. C. (1998). Sexueller Missbrauch von Jungen: Bestimmung, Prävalenz, Korrelate, Folgeerscheinungen und-management. Journal of the American Medical Association, Flucht. 280, Nicht 21.
  2. Pine, N. W., & Meier, R. F. (1999). Geschlechtsspezifische Unterschiede bei Vergewaltigung Berichterstattung. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, 40, 979-987.
  3. Easton, S. D., Saltzman, Die. Y., & Willis, D. G. (2013). "Würden Sie sagen unter Umständen, Like That?": Hindernisse für die Offenlegung von sexuellem Kindesmissbrauch für Männer. Psychologie der Männer & Männlichkeit. Online vorab veröffentlicht. zwei: 10.1037/a0034223

3 Kommentare

  1. Comment by Cl

    Cl Antworten Juli 27, 2016 bei 11:37 pm

    Recently my husband of 5 yrs and i got into a very heated argument about him not feeling adequate in bed for me. this argument went on and off about 3 Tage.

    his argument was about my sex toy that i received as a gift about 2 Jahren; he claimed i didn’t feel satisfied enough with him and that’s why i had it. that it was bigger than him and he felt like as if i had brought another man into our relationship.

    i told him multiple times that was not the case and that he had nothing to worry about, and then i walked in on him in the bathroom and my toy was in there with him. he claimed that he wanted to confirm that he was not smaller than the toy. i brushed it off but two days later i brought it up in a joking manner, and the argument started again. it got so bad i accused him of being a homosexual.. and then after 30 min of more shaming towards him on my part, he yelled out he had been sexually abused as a child when he was 5.

    i was sexually abused as a child as well, and he told me he felt like i would understand but i was being selfish and not seeing things from his point of view.

    after both of us breaking down we apologized to each other for saying such hurtful things, and talked about it. he went into detail with me about the abuse, and i went into detail with him about mine. we came to the conclusion that the abuse we both experienced affected both of us completely. our whole life is basically based on the abuse we had as children. but now even though i’m glad we were able to talk it out, as if a pandora box has been opened, his light in his eyes had dimmed. i feel like this will affect our relationship more, because i know he feels ashamed and very angry.

    i love him and hate to see him feel this way. i need some advice on how we can cope and move on from this, without letting it become a bigger issue, or making him feel like i don’t care.

  2. Comment by Cl

    Cl Antworten Juli 27, 2016 bei 11:40 pm

    We both have had counseling but we both feel like it did not help

    • Comment by Jess [Living Well Staff]

      Jess [Living Well Staff] Antworten Juli 28, 2016 bei 2:28 pm

      Hi Cl,

      Thanks for getting in touch with us here at Living Well to share your story, and to seek some support through this difficult time. That takes bravery and I want to commend you for taking these steps. It shows that you certainly do care.

      It sounds as though you and your husband had a terrible fight, or series of fights, and that it was really hurtful for both of you. There were misunderstandings and regretful thingssaid on both sidesthat were clearly motivated by pain and a desire to be understood. I’m so glad you’ve managed to heal the breach that was created, and it sounds like it has brought you closer, and to a deeper understanding of each other. Even though the arguing was awful, when these breaches are healed there is a lot of evidence that the whole experience does improve intimacy, communication and relationship health.

      It is possible that a bit more time will be needed for you both to process it allthere is a lot to take in. The most important thing is that, with Pandora’s box opened, there is hope. You are now able to fully support each other through this. The fact that you are here shows that you are willingand our experience is that this is one of the most important factors for a couple to work through these issues. Being present with each other, trying to be supportive, trying to take the other person’s perspective, and keeping an open mind are the best ways you can help each other.

      Please know that childhood sexual abuse in itself does not mean you are doomed to lives of horrible suffering, or even that it is the centre of all life’s problems. It’s important to recognise that anyone who has experienced trauma of this kind has the capacity to lead a full and rewarding life. Try not to fall into the trap of making experiences of sexual abuse the explanation for everything that has gone or does go wrong. Nach einer Erfahrung von sexuellem Missbrauch, es ist nicht ungewöhnlich für das Leben der Menschen eng mit Problemen in diesem Zusammenhang Erfahrung verbunden werden. Jedoch, seeing ‘the person as the problemand all of their current difficulties as a result of sexual abuse can be counter-productive. Try to consider any issues in the present moment. What is the problem now? What might help now?

      I’m sorry to hear counselling so far has been unhelpful for you both, but please don’t give up. There are professionals out there with a deep understanding of the effects of these traumatic experiences. As it looks like you’re in the US, our partners at 1in6.org may be able to point you in the right direction.

      Ansonsten, some information that may be helpful for you and your husband to read includes:
      Dealing with sexual violence
      When your partner discloses sexual abuse
      Common relationship challenges following sexual abuse

      Schließlich, if you or your husband have any questions regarding his sexuality, our page on Sexuelle Übergriffe und Erregung can be a bit confronting but does hopefully answer some of these. It is not uncommon for men to question their sexuality following sexual abuse or assault, as these unwanted experiences can be very confusing, especially for a child.

      I hope that helps Cl. Please take care. Best of luck to you both.

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